BleachBook
by HauntedMoonlight
Summary: What happens when Ichigo introduces Facebook to the Gotei 13 Court Guards? A whole lot of trouble, that's what. And when did he get that many friends, anyways? HitsuMatsu ByaChiru RenRuki IchiHine ShunNao IshiNemu
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **Hey guys, this is my first fanfiction. I apologize in advance for any mistakes. Thanks for reading!

**Title**: BleachBook

**Summary: **What happens when Ichigo introduces Facebook to the Gotei 13 Court Guards? A wholllllle lotta trouble, that's what. And when did he get that many friends, anyways? [HitsuMatsu, ByaChiru, IshiNemu, IchiHime, RenRukia, ChadIsane, KyourakuNanao]

**Word Count**: 5,424

**Rating**: Ehhh, maybe a high T for some sexual innuendos and suggestive themes :)

**Pairings**: Heavy HitsuMatsu, ByaChiru, RenRukia, IchiHime, IshiNemu, ChadIsane, mild KyourakuNanao...I think that's all.

**Warnings: **After Winter War, doesn't include anything about the Vizards and/or anime fillers. I was too lazy. Haha, sorry. DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE PAIRINGS. ALSO, YACHIRU IS AN ADULT IN THIS FANFICTION, SO PLEASE DON'T THINK OF BYAKUYA AS A PEDO. lol.

**Disclaimer: **Bleach isn't mine, it's Kubo Tite's and is published under Viz Entertainment's Shounen Jump. This piece of fanfic will not be used for profit anywhere, anytime.

_So yeah, read and, hopefully, enjoy!_

* * *

><p><strong>Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki <strong>is gonna propose to Inoue tonite ;) Wish me luck!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Rukia Kuchiki **and **92 others** like this.

**Comments:**

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **Finally! Dude, I thought you were gonna wait forever!

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Huh. Congrats. Just don't get her pregnant before you guys are married; she'll be a nightmare. When I got Matsumoto pregnant before our marriage, all the old farts in the Central 46 and Yamamoto were 'scandalized.' **-78 people like this-**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Toshiroooo~ don't be mean! My due date's in a week, and you wouldn't want me to get sad and have a difficult pregnancy, hmm? **-13 people likes this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **...no, sweetie...

**Retsu Unohana **Congratulations, Kurosaki-kun. I know Orihime-san will be thrilled. -**1 person likes this-**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Thanks Shiro and Unohana-taichou.

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **It's 'Hitsugaya-taichou,' you IDIOT. And are you _i_nsulting me? **  
><strong>

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Who, me?

-oOoOo-

**Inoue Orihime **Eeeek! I'm engaged to Ichigo now! And I think I might be pregnant :D BEST WEEK EVER!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **and **106 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **WAIT WHAAAAAAAAA? PREGNANT? WHEN? WHAT.

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Now you too, Kurosaki, shall be tortured by the wrath of a pregnant woman! **-29 people like this-**

**Inoue Orihime **? I don't get it, Toshiro-kun. Ah, Ichigo-kun, can you pick up some peanut butter, spinach, M&Ms, yogurt, apples, potato chips, and celery at the market? I'm in the mood for some of my famous Chocolate Spinach Crunchy Fruit-Peanut Salad. And I'll be sure to make PLENTY for you to eat, Ichigo-kun. I hope you eat EVERY DROP, okay? **-8 people like this-**

**Zaraki DemonSlayer Kenpachi **She's got you whipped, ya fucker.

**Ishida Uryuu **Hmph. You should've known better than to act all surprised at Orihime's pregnancy. Girls just hate it when you don't notice things. Just like how Nemu hated it when I didn't pay attention to her new hairstyle...Let me just tell you, angry females get a lot worse when they come equipped with dozens of weapon-like modifications. **-35 people like this-**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki** …..Ouch. **-7 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **It's twins! I hope you guys welcome little Yue and Haruki!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Juushiro Ukitake **and **98 others** like this.

**Comments:**

**Ise Nanao **Oh my gosh! What do they look like?

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **My little girl Yue has her father's teal eyes and my blonde hair, and my cute boy Haruki has my blue eyes and his father's pure white hair. It was worth getting all fat and ugly for 9 months! **-47 people like this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Let's hope they don't have your work ethics… **-30 people like this-**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **Oooh! Babies! Byakushi and I are working on making babies! **-77 people like this-**

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **WHAT. **-4 people like this-**

**Byakuya Kuchiki **What we do in our…spare time…is none of your business.

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Yeah, besides...Yachiru's already taller than Hinamori. That was one hell of a growth spurt.

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **Whenever we're not busy we go to his place and…practice making babies! :D and he's already proposed to me with this nice big pink diamond ring! **-18 people like this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **TMI...

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **Wow. Who would've thought that our tiny little fukutaichou would get engaged before me? Good job, Kuchiki-taichou. Good luck getting past Kenpachi-taichou though...

-oOoOo-

**Kira Izuru **is in a relationship with **Momo Peaches Hinamori**.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **and **88 others **like this.

**Comments: **

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **About time... **-74 people like this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **CALL ME HITSUGAYA-TAICHOU! And congrats, Momo. You deserve to be happy. Kira, if you don't treat her well, don't be surprised to wake up frozen one morning. **-61 people like this-**

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **Yep, what Shiro-kun said. Now who wants some sake, eh?

**Ise Nanao **Ignore my idiot captain, please. By the way, congratulations, guys. **-6 people like this-**

**Momo Peaches Hinamori **thank you, everyone! **-29 people like this- **

-oOoOo-

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **Who wants go drinking tonight? My treat!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **and **38 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Hell YES! It's been OVER 9 months since I tasted delicious sake...

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Oh no you don't. Now get back to the office and watch over Yue and Haruki. Or else you get to do the paperwork while I play with the kids. **-91 people like this-**

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **I'm so there. Save me a spot and a few rounds.

**Yumichika BEAUTIFUL Ayasegawa **Ah, you shouldn't drink! It's bad for your skin. Very unbeautiful!

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **Hey, I'd take having fun over being 'beautiful' any day.

**Yumichika BEAUTIFUL Ayasegawa **This is why you guys do not have girlfriends. Too busy being unbeautiful and flipping through pages of Playboy hoping to stumble across a half-naked blonde... **-33 people like this-**

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **Hey, that was a LOW BLOW!

-oOoOo-

**Juushiro Ukitake **it's almost Halloween, boys and girls! Who wants candyyyy?

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **and **56 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **ME ME ME ME ME ME ME! **-1 person likes this-**

**Juushiro Ukitake O**f course, Yachiru. What about you, Shiro-kun?

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **DON'T. CALL. ME. SHIRO. KUN. AND I DON'T LIKE CANDY, DAMMIT.

**Juushiro Ukitake **Ahahahaha, of course, of course, Shiro-kun. I'm currently sending over a messenger to give you a few bags of candy! **-27 people like this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **…I give up.

-oOoOo-

**Ise Nanao **SWA meeting this afternoon. Soi-Fon taichou, please capture and take photographs of Kuchiki-taichou, Hitsugaya-taichou, Ukitake-taichou, and any other hot guys. We need to make a new calendar. ;)

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **and **61 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Soi-Fon CatLuver **Yes. I have done as requested. Photos will be sent to you via Hell Butterfly. And I've heard bondage is quite..popular, and so have taken photos of a tied up Uryuu-kun, Kurosaki-kun, Kuchiki-taichou, and Hitsugaya-taichou, since they kept resisting. **-3 people like this-**

**Yoruichi GoddessOfFlash **Good job, Soi-Fon. The profits are just gonna roll in. **-1 person likes this-**

**Soi-Fon CatLuver **AH! The great Yoruichi-sama has praised me! I must give thanks to the cat gods for this miraculous happening!

**Ise Nanao **THE NEW CALENDAR IS OUT! Only 2,500 kan each! Such a good deal! And if you buy 3 calendars, the fourth is half-price! That's right, get the fourth calendar for only 1,250 kan! AMAZING DEALS! Hurry up and buy it! Limited copies! First 100 customers get a special exclusive mini-calendar…FREE! **-1000000 people like this-**

**Fangirl-Of-Hitsugaya **EEEEEEK! NO WAYYYY! OMG! I gotta buy it!

**Fangirl_Of_Byakuya **UH, I'M GONNA BUY IT FIRST! DUH!

-oOoOo-

**Byakuya Kuchiki **is engaged to **Yachiru Candy Kusajishi.**

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Rukia Kuchiki **and **111 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Rukia Kuchiki **Congrats, Nii-sama! My wedding with Renji is in 1 month. Hopefully, we'll be back from our honeymoon before your wedding.

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **YAYYYY! Wedding = cake! And I get presents!

**Retsu Unohana **Congratulations, it seems like so many people have been getting married lately! Zaraki-taichou fainted when he read this, so I would get ready for a fight if I were you, Kuchiki-taichou. Fourth division medics will be on standby. **-23 people like this-**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **Ken-chan is gonna play with Byakushi? Yayyy! Can I watch?

**Sado 'Chad' Yasutora **Oh, you must be the captain that Ichigo said 'has a stick up his ass.' Nice to meet you, and congrats. **-99 people like this-**

**Byakuya Kuchiki** So that's how the insolent worm thinks of me? Please excuse me, I have to make a trip to the living world. **-39 people like this-**

**Zaraki DemonSlayer Kenpachi **HOW DARE YOU, YOU STUPID STIFF NOBLE? IM GONNA KILL YOU…

**Isane NOFISHCAKESALLOWED Kotetsu **Ah, all 4th Division members, please report to Sokyoku Hill. Zaraki-taichou and Byakuya-taichou are going to have a small…squabble…there.

-oOoOo-

**Zaraki DemonSlayer Kenpachi **if I gotta be in the hospital, can I NOT be in the room next to the stick in his ass noble? Honestly… =_=

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **and **64 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Retsu Unohana **Oh, what's this? Did I just hear a _complaint_? **-7 people like this-**

**Zaraki DemonSlayer Kenpachi **Of course not, ma'am! **-46 people like this-**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **LOL NOW WHOS THE WHIPPED ONE? OWNED BY A LADY! **-3 people like this-**

**Zaraki DemonSlayer Kenpachi **You are so dead, asswipe.

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **YAY! Another Kenny-chan fight! **-4 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Isane NOFISHCAKESALLOWED Kotetsu **is in a relationship with **Sado 'Chad' Yasutora**.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Ishida Uryuu **and **74 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **WHAT. When did this happen? Chad, dude, why didn't you tell me…

**Sado 'Chad' Yasutora **Sorry... **-32 people like this- **

**Inoue Orihime **Ah! Congrats, Chad-kun and Isane-chan! Best wishes to you! And Ichigo, can u get me some brussel sprouts, carrots, tofu, chocolate sauce, and papaya juice for dinner? I'm having these strange cravings… **-9 people like this-**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Awwww you look so CUTE together! congratsss! And Shunsui, you owe me 500 kan from our bet. I TOLD you they were gonna get together by the end of this year. Don't underestimate a femaile's intuition! ;D **-53 people like this-**

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **Dang :( how bout I buy you a jug of sake instead? I'm a bit low on cash right now…

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Deal!

**Kiyone ilikeukitake-taichoubest Kotetsu **Congrats, big sis! I wanna meet him!

**Isane NOFISHCAKESALLOWED Kotetsu **Thanks! Kiyone, I'll bring him around your Division this weekend... **-44 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Ishida Uryuu ** Nemu, wanna go to the human world this weekend? There's a new amusement park in Karakura Town…

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Nemu Kurotsuchi **and **47 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Nemu Kurotsuchi** Okay, I'll get to your house by 9 A.M. on Saturday.

**Mayuri Genius Kurotsuchi **Hmph. Nemu, why must you insist on going out with that little speck of no-good Quincy dust? If you want someone to be with so bad, I can create one for you... **-1 person likes this-**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Lol. Quincy dust. xD **-25 people like this-**

**Nemu Kurotsuchi **Sir, it is because he makes my heart feel fluttery when I am with him, and heavier when we are apart. When I see him with another female, my chest is tight. When I investigated this strange phenomenon. Matsumoto-fukutaichou told me it's called 'love.' But I do not completely understand…Is love the moaning noises I heard from behind the doors of the 10th Division's office when I went to deliver paperwork to them? **-92 people like this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **YOU HEARD THAT? **-6 people like this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **I mean, ahem, that is complete nonsense. We weren't doing anything.

**Zaraki DemonSlayer Kenpachi **Damn! The shrimp's getting laid more often than me! Well, shit. **-107 people like this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **I am NOT a shrimp! I'm nearly 6 feet tall now!

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **LOLOLOL BUSTED! **-2 people like this-**

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi** Every single man in Soul Society (And even some married men) wish they were in your place, Hitsugaya… **-19 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**IceDragon Hitsugaya - Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Matsumoto! I told you someone would hear us. And, of course, it was Nemu! Dammit, next time we're gonna keep it in our pants till we get home.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **and **116 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **GOD! THE IMAGES! Can someone pour some BLEACH into my brain? Ew, reading this is worse than watching XXX cosplay threesome porn. Not that I've ever watched that. Or anything. **-73 people like this-**

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **Ichigo watches XXX Cosplay threesome porn! Hey, Inoue, did you hear that? **-2 people like this-**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **Hey hey hey! Big booby and Shiro-kun, can you keep it in your pants? Yesterday we heard Big booby scream funny during training. **-105 people like this-**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Oopsie Daisy! Sorry, Toshiro, haha. I got a bit carried away. Yesterday you were so rough, I can barely stand… **-29 people like this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **MATSUMOTO! In these situations, just deny everything they say.

**Inoue Orihime **Hey, now that you mention it, I heard some weird grunts and moaning sounds from the roof that time they stayed at my place, but I didn't pay much attention… and Ichigo, as punishment, we're gonna eat my Vanilla Milkshake Broccoli Chicken Supreme tonight! **-51 people like this-**

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **Damn! Keep it down, lol! Or else your kids are gonna get a bit of Sex Ed before they're two! **-10 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Sajin Komamura **just bought three adorable kitties! Fluffykins, Angelcakes, and Sweetypie!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Rukia Kuchiki **and **68 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Iba Manliness Tetsuzaemon **Sir, are you sure you want KITTIES? I mean…aren't you a…wolf? And don't wolves…EAT kitties? **-15 people like this-**

**Sajin Komamura **Quiet! Kitties are extremely cute! And wolves respect kitties! Don't say such foolishness! Angelcakes was looking at the computer just now and SAW WHAT YOU TYPED! Now she'll have NIGHTMARES!

**Soi-Fon CatLuver **I APPROVE! I can't wait to see Sweetypie! She must look exactly like Lady Yoruichi! I'm so jealoussss!

**Rukia Kuchiki **Kittens huh? **-11 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Juushiro Ukitake **It's my birthdayyyyyyyy! Come to the 13th division barracks at 7 P.M. for my birthdayyyyy partayyyy! :)))) And bring presents! Don't worry, I have candy!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Byakuya Kuchiki **and **102 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Kiyone ilikeukitake-taichoubest Kotetsu **HAI, SIR! I SHALL GET YOU THE GREATEST GIFT IN THE WHOLE OF SOUL SOCIETY! **-13 people like this-**

**Sentarou No,ilikeukitake-taichoubest Kotsubaki **BOOGER GIRL, I SHALL BE THE ONE TO GET HIM THE BEST GIFT! :( **-13 people like this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **-_- do I HAVE to come? Cant I just drop off your present and leave?

**Juushiro Ukitake **Sorry, Shiro-kun! You must attend! Or else I will be veryyy sad. :'o

-oOoOo-

**Kiyone ilikeukitake-taichoubest Kotetsu **HA! Ukitake-taichou-sama liked my gift best!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Ise Nanao **and **34 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Ise Nanao **We, the SWA, fully support you, Kiyone-san. **-35 people like this-**

**Sentarou No,ilikeukitake-taichoubest Kotsubuki **Whaddaya mean 'he liked yours best'? We got him the same damn thing, you copy-cat booger girl. GO AWAY! And I have the SMA behind me!

**Kiyone ilikeukitake-taichoubest Kotetsu **Hmph! Well, the set of mittens I gave him were teal-blue. Everyone knows he likes teal blue!

**Sentarou No,ilikeukitake-taichoubest Kotsubuki **LIES! He loved the sky-blue mittens I gave him! So HA! And we, the proud SMA, aren't scared of some WOMEN!

**Iba Manliness Tetsuzaemon **Errr, actually...Have fun standing up to a taichou and a bunch of fukutaichous alone, Sentarou. We'll visit your grave. **-60 people like this-**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **Don't worry, monkey-dude! If you gimme 10 bags of Konpeito Candy, I won't kill you! Now Glasses-chan, on the other hand… **-8 people like this-**

**Ise Nanao **Hmph! Why waste my time killing trash? I'll leave the job to Soi-Fon…

**Soi-Fon CatLuver **sure. Been a while since I practiced my new shunpo-attacks. This shall be fun. And it will help spread my name to Lady Yoruichi! **-33 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **is swamped in paperwork. Get back here, MATSUMOTO!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **and **92 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Sorry, sweetie. :D I'm just…taking care of the twins. Not drinkin' or anything… Hehe. **-26 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **is married to **Rukia Kuchiki**. Hell yeah! We're off to our honeymoon in Vegas, baby!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **and **103 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Byakuya Kuchiki **If she comes back with a single scratch on her, you're going to be sliced to ribbons. Literally. **-4 people like this-**

**Inoue Orihime **Eeek! It's so EXCITING being the Maid of Honor! I can't wait for our wedding in 2 months, right, Ichigo sweetie?

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Yeah. Do me a favor, hire a chef to make the food. You shouldn't…exert yourself over making food, you know, dear? **-7 people like this-**

**Inoue Orihime **You don't like my Tofu Caramel Shrimp Cheesecake Delight, Ichigo...? I feel sad...

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **I love it! Yum yum yum! haha...

**Inoue Orihime **Awww, I love you so much, Ichigo! As a reward, I'll make it tonight...and even add some kimchi for extra seasoning!

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Shit. **-66 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Help! Inoue is going bridezilla over wedding stuff. Ungh…we still have a month and a half, you know…

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **and **84 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **Heh. Pathetic. **-62 people like this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **I can understand how you feel…Matsumoto was like that up until 30 minutes before the wedding…

**Byakuya Kuchiki **Yachiru is perfectly fine over everything I choose. She just insists on choosing the cake. Be prepared to die eating Quintuple Brownie Fudge Dream Marshmallow Cream Chocolate Tiramisu Cake. The Kuchiki family is not liable for any heart attacks caused by an excess of chocolate. -**44 people like this-**

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **That's my girl! **-39 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Retsu Unohana **Attention all 4th Division members! Yachiru blew the 11th Barracks up again in an attempt to create a 10 foot high cake. She and the cake survived the explosion, but I fear the rest of the members may not have fared as well. Please rush to the 11th Division barracks. Thank you.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Ishida Uryuu **and 7**1 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **Ugh…so THAT was the reason everything came blowing apart. I thought the 12th Division tried to atomic bomb us AGAIN. **-34 people like this-**

**Mayuri Genius Kurotsuchi **Slanderous lies! That was PURELY an accident. I did NOT mean to blow up your barracks, you barbarian. I was just testing a new C-4 and your foolish fukutaichou ran into me, causing me to throw it into your Division. Purely incidental. **-24 people like this-**

**Yumichika BEAUTIFUL Ayasegawa **Wahhhhhhhhhh! My make-up and beauty supplies were BLOWN UP AGAIN! How could you, GOD?

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **Oops! Sorry Baldy and Peacock-Brow! Heheh! :D and aren't we shinigami? How do we even HAVE a god?

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **Woah! Yachiru's being SMART! **-11 people like this-**

**Byakuya Kuchiki **I would thank you not to make those comments against my fiancée, Madarame.

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **YAY! Byakushi's DEFENDING ME! Oops, gotta run! I think Kenny-chan's a bit…mad.

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **WHERE IS THAT PINK HAIRED DEMON? I don't give a damn 'bout the damage to our barracks, but she scratched my favorite Samurai practice sword! It's the one that I kill the new recruits with! **-32 people like this-**

**Genryusai Shigekuni Yamamoto **Your budget is way over this month, Zaraki-taichou. You're going to have to either sleep on the ground until next month or pay for the repairs out of your own pocket.

-oOoOo-

**Mayuri Genius Kurotsuchi **Nemu! How dare you accept the Quincy's engagement ring! You little…little FOOL! ARGH! I didn't program you this way!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Ishida Uryuu **and **106 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Ise Nanao **Congrats Nemu! I knew you guys would get engaged soon! **-76 people like this-**

**Nemu Kurotsuchi **Ah, thank you, Nanao-san. And father, he has showed me 'love.' So I think I love him. Please allow me to do the one thing I want the most. **-89 people like this-**

**Ishida Uryuu **Kurotsuchi-taichou, you should stop binding her and let her go free, just this time. Please. I love her. **-90 people like this-**

**Shunsui Sakegod Kyouraku **Ahh, young love! Mayuri, you should let her. It's not often that you find a love like that, you know. **-78 people like this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **I never thought I'd say this, but Kyouraku is right. Let her be happy for once. **-99 people like this-**

**Yoruichi GoddessOfFlash **Hey Mayuri, Kisuke and I think you should let her be with her love. ;) Be nice for once, and maybe Santa will bring you a new lab. **-83 people like this-**

**Kisuke Urahara **Listen to Yoruichi! **-43 people like this-**

**Soi-Fon CatLuver **I support Lady Yoruichi. Though Kiskue Urahara can rot in hell. **-67 people like this-**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Dude, leave Nemu and Ishida alone. Or else I'll come up and beat some sense into ya. Got that? **-88 people like this-**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Awww, true love. *Sigh* It's like me and Toshiro all over again! Hey, Mayuri-taichou, can't you let her have her way? Puh-lease? I'll buy you some sake! **-82 people like this-**

**Inoue Orihime **Ah, Kurotsuchi-san, please let Nemu-chan be happy! **-90 people like this-**

**Juushiro Ukitake **Loosen up, Mayuri! I'll give you candy! **-86 people like this-**

**Kiyone ilikeukitake-taichoubest **I support Ukitake-taichou! **-50 people like this-**

**Sentarou No,ilikeukitake-taichoubest Kotsubaki **Me too! I support him the most!** -50 people like his-**

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **Heh. Let her be happy, Mayuri, like I did with Yachiru. Can't keep 'em forever, ya know? **-97 people like this-**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **Ken-chan's right! Look at me and Byakushi! Clown-face, you better let her be with Glasses! Or else I'll ransack your lab! **-98 people like this-**

**Byakuya Kuchiki **Hm. Maybe this one time, you should break the rules and allow a Shinigami to be with a human Quincy. It is love, after all. **-94 people like this-**

**Rukia Kuchiki **Listen to Nii-sama! Respect true love! Chappy says so! **-85 people like this-**

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **Yep, I agree with everyone that posted^. Let her go. Can't keep her locked up forever, can ya? Wait, maybe you can…? **-80 people like this-**

**Retsu Unohana **Kurotsuchi-taichou, I believe you shouldn't be so firm. Listen to her and Uryuu before making a decision. **-93 people like this-**

**Isane NOFISHCAKESALLOWED Kotetsu **Unohana-taichou's correct. Hear them out before being so harsh in your judgment. **-91 people like this-**

**Izuru Kira **Uhhh, listen to everyone, Kurotsuchi. They all want Nemu-san to be free. Maybe, just this once, you can allow her to do something? **-83 people like this-**

**Momo Peaches Hinamori **Yep! Be nice! And congrats, Nemu! **-79 people like this-**

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **Hell, stop being a stiff and get that pole outta yo' ass. Damn, you're one of the strictest dudes. Besides Kuchiki-taichou. And I better get running to save myself from Senbonzakura… **-96 people like this-**

**Yumichika BEAUTIFUL Ayasegawa **Being so mean is not beautiful! It will cause wrinkles! Smiling helps, you know! If you let Nemu be with Uryuu-kun, she will smile and blossom into something beautiful! Ah, the beauty of it all dazzles me!**-82 people like this-**

**Sajin Komamura **Hey, stop being so crude with your fukutaichou. Get a kitten, they'll help you get nicer! (and no, you may not dissect the kittens.) **-95 people like this-**

**Iba Manliness Tetsuzaemon **What my captain said, minus the 'kittens' part. **-87 people like this-**

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **Yo! The Quincy dude's pretty nice, he'll treat Nemu-fukutaichou well, ya know? One of the quiet, nerdy types… **-88 people like this-**

**Genryusai Shigekuni Yamamoto **I believe it's perfectly fine if your fukutaichou prefers someone of the…human variety. Just be discreet about it, yes?**-95 people like this-**

**Mayuri Genius Kurotsuchi **FINE! IF IT MATTERS SO MUCH TO YOU INGRATES, I DON'T CARE! GO AHEAD YOU FOOLISH, DEFECTIVE MATERIAL. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO WITH THAT INSUFFERABLE QUINCY, AS LONG AS I DON'T HAVE TO SEE HIM! HAPPY? **-130 people like this-**

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **I'ma end it here for now! Review!

**EDIT: 7/10/12**

**My God, my writing really sucked back then... What was I thinking... I edited a lot of this today, so I hope it's a little better. Please review...**

~**Haunted**_Moonlight_~


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **After much writer's block and confusion, I finally finished writing chapter 2! Thanks to all readers, and I apologize in advance for mistakes. Sorry.

**Disclaimer: **Sadly, I do not own Bleach. Kubo Tite's the man who created this womderful manga we all love! :)

* * *

><p><strong>Rukia Kuchiki <strong>has just cleaned out Vegas, baby! Watch me drive home in my new shiny red Porsche 911 Turbo. Hell yeah!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **and **96 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **Heh. Awesome, dear. If you're looking for me, I'm at the poker table!

**Byakuya Kuchiki **Well, of course you cleaned it out. Kuchiki's always have a good sense of business and intelligence. That is how we were able to flourish. **-13 people like this-**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Eh? If Vegas is THAT easy to clear out, maybe I should go there on MY honeymoon…

**Inoue Orihime **Oh no you don't! I wanna go to somewhere romantic, like Venice or Paris! And I can experiment with the food there! You'll be soooo excited to taste my new Sherbet Ice Cheesy Lasagna Brussels Sprouts Delight! **-29 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **Hiya, people! I'm gonna be married to Byakushi in three hours! See ya there! And you better not touch MY cake. OR ELSE. :)

**-Like- -Comment-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **and **102 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Retsu Unohana **Good luck, Yachiru! I've already put on my Maid of Honor dress, and I'm helping Matsumoto, Orihime, Kuchiki, Nanao, and Nemu with their bridesmaid dresses.

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Heyyyyyy, I think my dress is too tight in the chest area! ;) **-61 people like this-**

**Rukia Kuchiki **Renji ripped the shoulder of my dress when we were…talking…in the closet. **-37 people like this-**

**Byakuya Kuchiki **…Abarai. What were you doing to Rukia? I don't believe one would merely TALK in a closet, of all places. Tell me before I castrate you with Senbonzakura.

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai ***gulps* Well, sir, we weren't doing much, heheh. And you can't kill me on your wedding day, can you? Uhh, maybe I should start running?

**Byakuya Kuchiki **Yes. It would be advisable for you to run.

**Random_Wedding_Planner **Kusajishi, ma'am! Where are you? I understand that you feel like your dress is too…stuffy, but you need to wear it! Kusajishi!

**Byakuya Kuchiki **…

-oOoOo-

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi ***Sniff* My little girl is all grown up and MARRIED now! How could this be? Kuchiki, if you dare mistreat her, the entire of the 11th Division will kill you. We all loved Yachiru, right?

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **and **84 others **like this.

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **Heheheh. Of course, captain! We didn't mind at ALL when she jumped on my head and annoyed me.

**Yumichika BEAUTIFUL Ayasegawa **Uh-huh. And we didn't care when she COMPLETELY RUINED MY BEAUTY SUPPLIES! WAHHH!

**Makizo 'Maki-Maki' Aramaki **…And of COURSE, we didn't give a damn about those INSULTING nicknames she picked out for us…To this day, everyone only knows me as Maki-Maki. *Sob*

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **Hehe. I know you guys will miss me, but don't worry! I'll still be your vice-captain! And I'll be sure to spend EVEN MORE time with you now! So don't be sad! **-58 people like this-**

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **…SHIT… **-74 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Inoue Orihime **WHERE IS THAT FOOL ICHIGO? I NEED TO TEACH HIM A LESSON FOR NOT PICKING THE TRIPLE-LAYERED STRAWBERRY MOUSSE! EVERYONE KNOWS THAT THE CLASSIC VANILLA CREAM DELIGHT WILL CLASH WITH MY DRESS! AUGH!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Ishida Uryuu **and **99 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Ishida Uryuu **Well, I believe he is currently cowering behind me whispering something about BRIDEZILLA. By the way, Inoue, are you ANGRY? You, the cheerfulness queen, ANGRY? **-35 people like this-**

**Inoue Orihime **Yep! It's a new emotion I learned from Toshiro when he and Rangiku came to visit me! By the way, I'M COMING TO GET YOU, ICHIGO!

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **CURSE YOU, TOSHIRO! GO DIEEEEE!

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Heh. It's Captain Hitsugaya to you.

-oOoOo-

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **is in a relationship.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Yumichika BEAUTIFUL Ayasegawa **and **93 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Yumichika BEAUTIFUL Ayasegawa **It's about time, captain! I hope she's beautiful. By the way, who is she? We're all very curious! **-56 people like this-**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **Yay! I'll have a mommy!

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **I'm not telling who it is. So HA! **-20 people like this-**

**Ise Nanao **Hmmmm, this is very curious indeed.

-oOoOo-

**Ise Nanao **ATTENTION, SWA MEMBERS! We need to have an emergency meeting today to plan on discovering Knepachi-taichou's secret lover! Be in the usual meeting room by 4.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Rukia Kuchiki **and **12 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Nemu Kurotsuchi **Ma'am, would you like me to stalk him, or hide a secret camera in his haori?

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Shhh! If you say these things on Facebook, Zaraki might see them!

**Yoruichi GoddessOfFlash **Heh. Kenpachi's finally got a date? About time…

**Soi-Fon CatLuver **I agree wholeheartedly with Yoruichi-sama! **-2 people like this-**

**Retsu Unohana **Isn't it a bit impolite to use such methods? Why don't we wait until he feels comfortable with telling us?

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **No way, this is fun! :D

-oOoOo-

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **Hey, y'all! The new SMA guidebook is out! SMA members, please pick one up!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Juushiro Ukitake **and **8 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Iba Manliness Tetsuzaemon **Tsk, stop speaking with that accent! **-3 people like this-**

**Kira Izuru **Good job, Shuhei…I can't seem to get anything done…You're so lucky…

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **…Kira, that's not true…

-oOoOo-

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **I thinks I'm pregnant! Aren't'cha happy, Byakushi?

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Rukia Kuchiki **and **97 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Rukia Kuchiki **Nice job, big brother! I hope, for your sake, that your children aren't as…energetic…as Yachiru… Though they shouldn't be as uptight as you either… **-36 people like this-**

**Ise Nanao **Congrats, Yachiru, Byakuya!

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **Hey, Na~nao! Do you wanna get pregnant too? I can…help with that! **-23 people like this-**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **No kidding, Byakuya? Heh, good luck with that, pregnant women sure can yell. And you might be sleeping on the couch…

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **WHAT? Yachiru is PREGNANT? OMFGG WTF!

**.Caretaker **I'm sorry, but Master Byakuya has fainted after reading this. Thank you for all your well wishes! **-84 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Ishida Uryuu **is feeling AWESOME after going on a date with Nemu to the aquarium!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Nemu Kurotsuchi **and **88 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Nemu Kurotsuchi **Ishida-kun, thank you for the dolphin plushie. It is my most treasured item.

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Awwwww, that's so CUTEEEE! I wanna go on a romantic fluffy date with Toshirooooo! ^.^ **-44 people like this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Great. Thanks a lot for giving her ideas. Ughhh.

**Sado 'Chad' Yasutora **Good for you, Uryuu. I'm thinking about taking Isane there next week.

**Isane NOFISHCAKESALLOWED Kotetsu **Ehh, really? YAYYYY!

-oOoOo-

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Unohana-taichou, please help us! Yue must've caught a cold in the living world, and I don't know how to heal it!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Retsu Unohana **likes this.

**Comments:**

**Retsu Unohana **But of course, Hitsugaya-taichou! I'll be there right away.

-oOoOo-

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **Ahhhh, I feel as if I'm walking on top of the world! My dearest Nanao has agreed to go on a date with me! I must drink to the occasion!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Juushiro Ukitake **and **94 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Ise Nanao **If you dare drink a single drop of sake, the date is off. Understand? **-24 people like this-**

**Juushiro Ukitake **Congrats, old friend! A good choice. She suits you. Nanao, please take care of him, and don't let him drink so much… **-43 people like this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Hmph. Now that you have a date, maybe you'll stop coercing Matsumoto into drinking so much?

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **Why so mean, everyone? I don't drink THAT much, do I?

**Ise Nanao ***Sigh* Captain, you can drink everyone in Seireitei, even Rangiku, under the table…

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **Thank you for the wonderful compliment, Nanao-chan!

**Ise Nanao **…

-oOoOo-

**Sajin Komamura **Has anyone seen my Fluffykins? She must've escaped from my yard through a hole in the fence. There's a 500 kan reward for whoever brings her back! She's an adorable little kitten, black with white paws. Please help me find her!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Kira Izuru **and **76 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Iba Manliness Tetsuzaemon **Captain, sir! Don't worry, I shall find her at the risk of my own life!

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **A reward? Hell, I need the money! I'll find her!

**Momo Peaches Hinamori **I think I saw a cat like that run off toward the 10th Division. You should as Shiro-kun!

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **…I found her, Komamura. She suddenly leaped into my office and starting purring against my leg… **-47 people like this-**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Hehe, my taichou/husband attracts cats! Maybe that's why Haineko likes him so much! **-29 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Kira Izuru **Ahem, I've finished my latest haiku! Here it is:

Silver foxes run,

They dance around and pull pranks.

How I miss them so.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **and **69 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Juushiro Ukitake **Beautiful! Submit that for the Monthly Seireitei Bulletin please!

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **Ahhhh, the magical poetry of the spring. I would drink a toast to it, but my dear Nanao has cruelly taken away my sake stashes. **-34 people like this-**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **Hey Emo-Blonde! Why're you writing 'bout Ichimaru Gin? Isn't he DEAD?

**Kira Izuru **Ahahaha, please excuse me while I jump off a cliff.

**Momo Peaches Hinamori **No! Kira, DON'T!

**Ise Nanao **Yachiru….

-oOoOo-

**Byakuya Kuchiki **…Yachiru, do you know where my big carp have disappeared to?

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **and **87 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **Heh, nope! And Byakushi, didn't I tell you to call me 'Dear' or 'Sweetie' or something cutesy? **-41 people like this-**

**Juushiro Ukitake **Now that you mention it, there have been MANY big carp in my pond lately. What a coincidence!

**Byakuya Kuchiki **I wonder if someone moved the carp from my pond to yours, right, Yachiru _DEAREST_.

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **Uh-oh, I got found out. Hehehe. **-17 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Juushiro Ukitake **Sigh, I feel so old and useless these days. Maybe I should retire?

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Comments:**

**Kiyone ilikeukitake-taichoubest Kotetsu **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! The day you retire will be the last day of the world! The apocalypse! Please don't go! I live to serve Ukitake-taichou!

**Sentarou No,ilikeukitake-taichoubest Kotsubaki **DON'T GO, TAICHOU! The day you retire will the the last day ever! The alien attacks! NOOOOOOOOOOO! I survive to serve Ukitake-taichou!

**Kiyone ilikeukitake-taichoubest Kotetsu **HOW DARE YOU COPY ME, YOU MONKEY FACE! GO AWAY! UKITAKE-TAICHOU HATES YOU!

**Sentarou No,ilikeukitake-taichoubest Kotsubaki **NO, YOU JUST SAID WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY FIRST, YOU BOOGER GIRL! YOU GO AWAY! UKTISKE-TAICHOU HATES YOU MORE!

**Juushiro Ukitake **Ahahahahah, please, calm down! I promise I won't retire for a while!

-oOoOo-

**Ise Nanao **We still haven't discovered Kenpachi's lover! Therefore, she is either cleverly hidden or a member of the SWA! We must investigate more thoroughly!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Nemu Kurotsuchi **and **11 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Rangiku Hotsutff Matsumoto **Hehe, this is fun! Sort of like a 'Who did it' mystery, love style! **-9 people like this-**

**Soi-Fon CatLuver **In the past two weeks, my spies have seen him talking to many women, probably to throw us off track. Other than that, his schedule's the same. Eat, train, go to 4th Division to heal wounds, train some more, eat, train MORE, eat, train even MORE, go to 4th Division again, sleep.

**Ise Nanao **…That, I have to say, is a LOT of training. Wow. **-7 people like this-**

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **Oi, stop trying to figure it out…I would beat you up, but I don't hit girls.

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Thank God for that! **-16 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Momo Peaches Hinamori **Um, my birthday party's today! Please come to the 5th Division barracks at 6! Food is provided! Thank you all!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **and **89 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Heyyy, Hinamori, will there be sake? :) **-47 people like this-**

**Momo Peaches Hinamori **Ah, sorry, Shiro-kun requested for there to be no alcohol.

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **What? HOW COULD YOU?

**Ise Nanao **Ahem.

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **I mean, YAY! I hate sake, of course! Heheh. **-72 people like this-**

**Ise Nanao **Hmph. Better.

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **Heh. Whipped. **-90 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Inoue Orihime **Yayyy, today's my wedding! Please come, everyone!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **and **103 others **like this.

**Ishida Uryuu **Heh. No pressure. OR ANYTHING. **-64 people like this-**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **S-SHUT UP, ISHIDA! I'M NERVOUS ENOUGH WITHOUT YOU RUBBING IT IN MY FACE! AND YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED SOON TOO, SO JUST BE QUIET!

**Rukia Kuchiki **Inoue, you're not mad at Ichigo anymore?

**Inoue Orihime **Nope! I learned to 'forgive and forget.' And he ate three whole plates of my Tuna Strawberry Buttery Tomato Soy Sauce Casserole. I knew that it was yummy and all, but he sure ate a lot! Even though he didn't look so well the next day… **-73 people like this-**

**Retsu Unohana **Good luck out there! **-16 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Rukia Kuchiki **is realllllllllly sad. And wants to be alone. So bug off, Renji.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Comments:**

**Inoue Orihime **Hi from Venice! Why are you so sad, Rukia? And would you like an Italian Chappy doll?

**Rukia Kuchiki **I'm sad because today's the anniversary of Kaien's death… And yes, I would love a Chappy doll!

**Juushiro Ukitake **Ah, I can understand how you feel, Kuchiki-san! My cough is worse today than it is normally…

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **Hey Rukia, don't be sad, shorty. I'll be there for ya! **-43 people like this-**

**Rukia Kuchiki **Heh, thanks Renji. I appreciate it. **-3 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **is 6 months pregnant! And Unohana said it's a girl! And she'll probably look just like me! I bet she'll like candy too, and be happy too, and jump around on Baldy's head too!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **and **106 others** like this.

**Comments:**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Eeek! What's her name gonna be? Maybe she can marry my Haruki!

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **NO. WAY. IS. MY. SON. MARRYING. THE. CHILD. OF. THE. PINK. HAIRED. DEVIL. PERIOD. **-27 people like this-**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **Ahh, I'll name her Sachiko! And sure, she and Haruki will look so CUTE together!

**Byakuya Kuchiki **I'm spending a small fortune everyday for candy…

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **A girl? She can join 11th Division! We would love to have TWO YACHIRUS, right? And tell us if she's being bullied, we'll take care of that. Heh. **-48 people like this-**

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **Surrrrre. I can imagine the torture—I mean, FUN, already. Two pink-haired demons running around, jumping on my head, blowing things up. JOY.

**Yumichika BEAUTIFUL Ayasegawa **Kill me already…

**Byakuya Kuchiki **Hmph. Rest assured, Zaraki. If anyone bullies MY daughter, they'll have to go through me first. And I won't show mercy.

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **Nice to see we agree on something, Kuchiki. Maybe we are more similar than I thought…And can we kill the bullies together? I wanna fight the person brave enough to attack my granddaughter. **-82 people like this-**

**Byakuya Kuchiki **Agreed.

-oOoOo-

**Soi-Fon CatLuver **Lady Yoruichi, what is your favorite color? I need to know for the cat sweater I'm sewing for you.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Yoruichi GoddessOf Flash **likes this.

**Comments:**

**Yoruichi GoddessOf Flash **Ehh, I like purple, I guess, since my eyes are amethyst-purple. And thanks for making the gift Soi-Fon. I'll appreciate it. **-1 person likes this-**

**Soi-Fon CatLuver **AH! Lady Yoruichi has thanked me! I must give thanks to the cat gods!

**Yoruichi GoddessOfFlash **…ok…

-oOoOo-

**Inoue Orihime **I just gave birth to a healthy baby girl! Her name will be…Misaki! Maybe she'll even compete with Sachiko for Haruki's heart! Hehe!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **and **101 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **Hmph! My Sachiko will win his heart, of course! Sachiko will have beautiful pink hair, maybe even with black streaks! And who can resist pink eyes? **-66 people like this-**

**Inoue Orihime **No! Misaki shall win; she has very pretty orange hair warm brown eyes! And she is very cute and headstrong like her father! **-66 people like this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Oi, oi! Stop competing over my son…He's barely one years old, and you're already marrying him off? Geez, women!

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Hehe, may the best girl win! And Toshirooo, what was that last comment supposed to mean, huh? Tell me or else you sleep on the couch! **-30 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Ishida Uryuu **WHAT SHOULD I DO? Nemu thinks she may be…pregnant…

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Inoue Orihime **and **98 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Hahahahahahahaha. You're screwed. LOL. **-31 people like this-**

**Sado 'Chad' Yasutora **…I think the crazy clown scientist dude is going to come after you…

**Nemu Kurotsuchi **Ah, maybe we should go with Ichigo and a few captains when we tell Mayuri-sama. He will not be pleased…

**Inoue Orihime **Ah, congratulations though! And your wedding's pretty soon!

**Mayuri Kurotsuchi **…I would normally kill you, Quincy, but I've decided not to…yet. I need to investigate the phenomenon of why everyone seems to be getting engaged and married these days…

-oOoOo-

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **Dammit, I'm getting tired of having these creepy dudes in black following mea round, so I'll just tell you who my secret girlfriend is…

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Ise Nanao **and **79 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Ise Nanao **I knew you'd see it our way sooner or later!

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Who is it? Kiyone? Or could it be a GUY? IKKAKU?

**Isane NOFISHCAKESALLOWED Kotetsu ***GASP* NO WAY! Maybe it's Soi-Fon? They both like to fight! Or even a taken woman, like…perhaps…Yachiru?

**Rukia Kuchiki **EH? Impossible? For all we know, it could be nii-sama! Or even Ukitake-taichou, I saw them talking before!

**Ise Nanao **Ohhh, could it be a fangirl? Or someone from the human world? Like Ichigo's sister Karin?

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **NO! I'm not gay, nor a pedophile! I'm seeing Unohana! Happy? Dammit, you guys are the most annoying, pesky little… **-100 people like this-**

**Retsu Unohana **Haha, you told them, I see. I TOLD you it would be best to just tell them right away…

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **Che. Not my fault they're about as blind and dumb as bats.

**Ise Nanao **EXCUSE ME?

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **I'm outta here…

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Did you like it? I hope so, haha, it took me nearly four hours to write... PLEASE REVIEW, REVIEWS ARE MY LIFE!

BTW, If anyone wants yet ANOTHER chapter, please review and request! Maybe you'll see everyone's reactions to Unohana and Kenpachi's relationship, Mayuri's research discoveries, and...a seperation of a couple?

~**Haunted**_Moonlight_~


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Yes, I know it's short. I promise the next chapter will be longer...though it may take a while...Haha, I'm REALLLLLY sorry.

_Anyways, please read, enjoy, and REVIEW! (Most preferably, do the third thing. Mmk?)_

**Disclaimer: **What's one thing Bleach, Facebook and Naruto have in common? They're not owned by me. 'Nuff said.

* * *

><p><strong>Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto <strong>Toshiroooo! I'm pregnant again ;) I went to Unohana and she said it's probably a girl! Ehehehe…

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **and **99 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS. 9 MORE MONTHS OF TORTURE? KILL ME NOW.

**Inoue Orihime **Ehhhh? You're so lucky!

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **LOL. **-45 people like this-**

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **Congrats, Rangiku, Toshiro.

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **OMFG. Don't. Call. Me. Toshiro. Got that?

**Juushiro Ukitake **Shiro-kun! Wan't some candy? I have loooolipops!

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **…I give up. Why me? **-13 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Juushiro Ukitake - Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **Kenpachi, is it true that you are dating Unohana-taichou? It's been the talk to Seireitei.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Ise Nanao **and **26 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **Who the fuck told everyone? I have to go kill the source.

**Juushiro Ukitake **It…was…Nanao…and the rest of the SWA…I think they told Shuhei to print it in the Monthly Seireitei Bulletin.

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **Heh. Shuhei Hisagi, huh? Interesting…

-oOoOo-

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **On my to-do list: Kill Shuhei Hisagi, destroy the 9th Division barracks, intimidate SWA, destroy SWA meeting rooms. That should be about it.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **likes this.

**Comments:**

**Yachiru Kusajishi **Yay! Ken-chan fight! Ooh, and I think you forgot to add 'Buy Yachiru candy.' Denying a very pregnant woman her candy is a verrrrrry serious offense, you know?

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **Don't hurt my sweet Nanao-chan! She is innocent! A victim of fate!

**Ise Nanao **Who's your Nanao-chan? Just because we're seeing each other occasionally doesn't make me your property. **-18 people like this-**

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **Oooh! Burned! **-34 people like this-**

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **…I shouldrun, shouldn't I?

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **Ken-chan is going to the 9th's barracks! 69-chan is going to die!

**Ise Nanao **Yes. I think it would be rather advisable to run, unless you WANT to fight Kenpachi-taichou.

-oOoOo-

**Mayuri Kurotsuchi **And I was like, baby, baby, baby, ohhhhh! Like baby, baby, baby, noooo! Like baby, baby, baby, ohhhh! Thought you'd always be mine, mine!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Comments:**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **OMG THAT IS INSANELY CREEPY. I'M GOING TO HAVE AWFUL DREAMS ABOUT A JUSTIN BIEBER IN CLOWN MAKEUP. **-82 people like this-**

**Nemu Kurotsuchi **Mayuri-sama…How did you even get…introduced to that human teenager?

**Rukia Kuchiki **Oh, shi—I might have been playing it in my room for my SWA presentation of '100 Worst Songs on Earth' and he might have heard when he was delivering documents…

**Mayuri Kurotsuchi **Justin Bieber is GOD! Must…get…tickets…to…his…concert.

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Che. That brat isn't cute. Not like my adorable Toshiroooo! I love you, Shiro!

**IceDragon Hitsugaya ***Sigh* Yeah, yeah, love you, Matsumoto…NOW GET BACK TO WORK!

**Ishida Uryuu **…Watching the boy I've always thought of as stoic have a lovey-dovey conversation with the girl he loves is…disturbing… **-96 people like this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **YOU SHUT UP.

-oOoOo-

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **is 8 months pregnant! One more month to go! Yayy!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Rukia Kuchiki **and **97 others **like this-

**Comments:**

**Rukia Kuchiki **Congratulations, Yachiru-chan! I'm so excited for you! Nii-sama's going to have a child!

**Byakuya Kuchiki **Hn, good. Give birth safely and I'll give you a chocolate bar that's 5 feet tall.

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **YAY!

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **Oh great. Brilliant. Only one more month of freedom before the pink terror is well enough to torture us again. **-57 people like this-**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **? Who's the pink terror? You mean peacock-brow? I dyed his hair pink last night. He should discover it when he wakes up from the sleeping pills I slipped into his drink. **-50 people like this-**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Okay, that is seriously creepy. Remind me never to get on Yachiru's bad side.

-oOoOo-

**Isane NOFISHCAKESALLOWED Kotetsu **EEEK! The new boy band in the human world is soooooo cute! It's called Rasengan! And there's this hottie called Naruto as the singer, this even HOTTER hottie named Sasuke as the lead guitar and backup singer, Neji's this cool guy playing bass guitar, and this lazy but adorable dude called Shikamaru who does the drums.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **and **21 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **I know right? They're the best! Sasuke's almost as cute as my Toshiro-kun!

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **Neji-chan reminds me of Byakushi!

**Rukia Kuchiki **Naruto is as energetic as Renji!

**Inoue Orihime **No! Naruto-kun is like Ichigo! They're both stubborn and determined but CUTE! Hehehe.

**Rukia Kuchiki **Fine, fine. But Renji is as lazy as Shikamaru… **-2 people like this-**

**Ise Nanao **I pronounce them as the SWA's main focus point for this month! Because they ARE hot… **-17 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Hey, Ice Dragon Hitsugaya, Renji Awesomecakes Abarai, Byakuya Kuchiki. Meet me at Ichiraku's Ramen Stand at 6 tonight. We need to discuss the whole 'Rasengan' crap that has OUR girls obsessed.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **and **3 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **Damn straight! About time we took action. It's drining me crazy. Rukia does nothing but listen to their songs over and over. And she plays her favorites about 20000 times a day. She is obsessed with 'Watching the Clouds' and 'Shogi Dreams.'

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Hmph, for once you are right. I knew it was serious when Matsumoto actually compared Sasuke to me. And she does nothing at work but listen to 'Sharingan Curse.'

**Byakuya Kuchiki **I believe you are correct. Yachiru likes them as much as she likes CANDY. And, honestly, 'Caged Birds' is driving me crazy.

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **I know how you feel, guys. Inoue thinks 'Never Giving Up' is the national anthem or something. Which is why we should form our own band! How about it? Me as Naruto, Hitsugaya as Sasuke, Byakuya as Neji, and Renji as Shikamaru. It'll be awesome!

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **I don't know…

**Byakuya Kuchiki **It might be the best thing to do. After all, I don't think they'll get out of this Rasengan phase soon. Even Nanao called them hot.

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **Hell, yeah! We'll show them that a few ninja-wannabes are no match against death gods!

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Alright then! It's decided… 'Zangetsu' is officially formed!

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Why Zangetsu….? Why not Hyourinmaru?

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Because the band was MY idea, so I name it. Duh.

**Byakuya Kuchiki **Tsk. Whatever.

-oOoOo-

**Rukia Kuchiki **OMFG. Did you hear? Apparently, nii-sama, Ichigo, Hitsugaya-taichou, and Renji are forming their own band! It's called Zangetsu. LAME. Ichigo's Naruto, Hitsugaya's Sasuke, Renji's Shikamaru, and Nii-sama's Neji. They're probably jealous!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Inoue Orihime **and **28 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **Byakushi's jealous? YAY!

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **No way! Toshiro's so cuteeeee! Hehehehe! Toshiro's my own little personal Sasuke! I wanna hug him so bad! **-32 people like this-**

**Ise Nanao ***sweatdrops* Okayyyyy. Anyways, what should we do about them?

**Inoue Orihime **Umm, Nanao-chan, first we should see how they sound. If they sound good, then we could sell their CDs for money! And if they're bad, you can tell them to stop.

**Ise Nanao **That's a…surprisingly good idea coming from YOU. Are you okay? Did you bump your head on the wall? **-11 people like this-**

**Inoue Orihime **Hehe, I've been reading this very educational book called 'Rational Thinking for Dummies.' It's very helpful!

**Rukia Kuchiki **… Anyways, let 'Operation: Spy on Zangetsu' begin!

-oOoOo-

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **Heyyy! I think my water broke. Byakushi's taking me to the hospital right now!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Retsu Unohana **and **104 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Inoue Orihime **Ehhhh? Congrats! I can't wait to see your girl! Though she won't be as cute as my Misaki…

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **MY SACHIKO IS BETTER! Besides, right now my boobs are about as big as Booby-chan's! No boy can resist a pink hiared, pink eyed girl with big boobs. Especially not Shorty-chan's kid.

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Stop calling Matsumoto 'Booby-chan' and DON'T CALL ME 'SHORTY-CHAN.' I AM AS TALL AS BYAKUYA NOW. And honestly, stop marrying off my kid….Wait a sec, what do you mean 'especially'? I do NOT like big boobs! Why are we even discussing this and how are you using Facebook if you're on the way to the hospital? **-23 people like this-**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **So you…don't like my boobs? How could you?

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **No I like them!

**Sado 'Chad' Yasutora **…Perv.

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **No! I meant that I don't 'LIKE' like them!

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto ***CRIES*

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **NO! Don't cry! I love them!

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **…Never thought you'd be the 'boob fetish' type… **-30 people like this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **I'm not, DAMMIT! I like them just fine and all, but your best feature is your eyes! Happy?

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Awww, so sweet! Why didn't you say so in the first place, Toshiro?

**IceDragon Hitsugaya ***facepalms*

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **Heheh, Shorty-chan is funny! By the way, I'm using the Facebook app on my Soul Pager. DUH. Ah, and I just gave birth to a healthy, pretty little girl! She has brighter pink hair than me with black highlights, reddish eyes, and cute pink cheeks like me! **-76 people like this-**

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **That…sounds like a scary combination….

**Byakuya Kuchiki **Did you call my daughter _scary_? … Scatter, Senbonzakura!

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **AHHHH! HELP ME! I'm getting cut to death by sakura petals!

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Heh, you should've known better. At least you didn't call Hitsugaya's demon children scary.

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **DID YOU CALL MY CHILDREN DEMONS? Reign over the frozen heavens, Hyourinmaru!

**Inoue Orihime **Huh? Why is there a large popsicle that resembles Ichigo on the ground?

-oOoOo-

**Momo Peaches Hinamori **is single.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **likes this.

**Comments:**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Ehhhhh? Momo, why? Kira loves you! **-24 people like this-**

**Momo Peaches Hinamori **I…I know, but I just can't make a commitment. I don't think I'm completely healed from…from…from…Aizen…

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Hmph. He wasn't good enough for you, anyways.

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Stop feeling all overprotective and brotherly or else you're sleeping on the couch! **-11 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Kira Izuru **Where is the nearest cliff? My life…is horrible…I couldn't even manage to comfort Hinamori…I'm useless…

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Comments:**

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **Woah, woah, woah, there! Don't you DARE. Or else.

**Ise Nanao **Today at the SWA meeting, Momo was very depressed. I'm sure she loves you, but maybe she's not ready to trust a guy yet. Gain her trust!

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **Meet me up at the bar at 8 tonight. I have 'Operation: Get Kira and Hinamori Back Together' all planned out.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **How was it? I wanna clarify some things for you. Please read the following, especially number 4:

1. I personally do not like Justin Bieber, but I don't hate on him. Cuz that's just mean. He's only like what? 16? (Granted, I am_ way_ younger than him, but whatever. I don't have anyone hating me. Except my algebra teacher when I didn't turn in my homework...)

2. I LOVE NARUTO! I got a couple Naruto fics in the making. :)

3. No, Rasengan is not a real Naruto band. LOL. Just in case someone was wondering...I wish it was though...Damn, that would be HOT.

4. **If you want Kira and Hinamori to get back together,** **tell me in a review****.** **_Or else they might not get together...__And one of them may die_**, just to make the nonexistant plot more interesting. But if someone WANTS them to be together, I'll keep 'em. And have someone else die. Most preferably someone in a relationship. I wonder how Kyouraku would fare without Nanao...

I'll try to get the next chapter up soon, but school's starting in 2 days... so I won't have much time... :(

**_PLEASE REVIEW! I won't update unless I get reviews! Muhahahahha! I know I'm evil! :D_**

~**Haunted**_Moonlight_~


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **Okay, so I have something to tell you guys. I will update this weekly now that school has started. During holidays and long weekends, i might update more!

Also, bfa123, Komamura is a wolf, not a fox. I know, I think he looks like a fox too, but whatever. Haha.

_It's a long chapter and took me a few hours, so pelase enjoy!_

**Disclaimer: **Bleach+Facebook=Things I want to own (but do not own). There. Now you learned basic addition.

* * *

><p><strong>Kira Izuru <strong>My newest Haiku:

Sweet Hinamori,

Why must you have gone away?

Please come back to me.

Please, Momo, give me another chance. I'm even going to upload photos of us having fun…

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **and **79 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Ise Nanao **That's very sweet. Good job. **-26 people like this-**

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **Heh, I'm sure Hinamori won't be able to resist you now!

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **…Momo's on my office couch crying right now and Matsumoto's comforting her. Now I know why. Now go away, Izuru. She doesn't want to be with you right now.

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **Shit. You HAD to say that.

-oOoOo-

**Kira Izuru **has added 4 photos to the photo album **Momo and Me**.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **likes this.

**Comments:**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **H-hey, this is Hinamori…Kira, please stop. I'm sorry, but I don't feel good right now.

**Kira Izuru **Do we die if we stab ourselves with our zanpakuto?

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **Wait a second! Stop it, dude. So what if Phase 1 didn't work. We have 10 phases, dude.

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Joy. Now I get to see you get shot down 10 times. Seriously.

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Me thinks this is bordering on stalker-ish….

-oOoOo-

**Mayuri Kurotsuchi **One less lonely girlllll….BEST SONG EVAR. And I got tickets to his concert next Friday. Go me!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Comments:**

**Ishida Uryuu **Am I the only one that finds that DISTURBING? **-94 people like this-**

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **I find it fuckin' hilarious, dude. LOL. **-72 people like this-**

**Rukia Kuchiki **HOLY SHI—Ok, it's both…

-oOoOo-

**Byakuya Kuchiki **and **158 others **are now friends with **Zangetsu_Band**.

-oOoOo-

**Zangetsu_Band **Hey everyone! This is Ichigo! We have our first concert tomorrow. Each song will feature one of us, and the last will feature all. Hope you enjoy!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**I_LOVE_RENJI **and **6217 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**HITSUGAYAisMINE **Like, OMG! I, like, love you guyz! I'm your, like, biggest, like fan. And I just love Hitsugaya. Hehehehe. Dump that loser Matsumoto and come be with me, hottie.

**BYAKUYAS-FUTURE-WIFE **I know right? Like, the song Lonely Sakura Trees was genius. Byakuya is so hot when he sings that. OMGGGGG.

**Toshiro's Lover **Dude, Hitsugaya's MINE. Cuz his song Frozen Hearts is soooooo pro. Wanna go out with me, honey?

**I_LOVE_RENJI **Hey, did you hear Renji's song? Monkeys and Moons? It was so inspiring. I CRIED!

**Ichigo Hearts ME **Everyyyyyone knows that Strawberry Dreams was the best. Like, OMG. It was, like, telling a life story. Or whatever.

**Shiro-Kun's Wifey **I LOVE SHIRO-KUNNNNNNNNNNNN.

**Byakuya IsMy Babe **Hiya, Byakuya-chan! I'm like a 5'6" blonde with E-cups, and I just adore you! AND I'm hot, so dump Yachiru and go with me. Honestly, she's like, 5'4" and has C-cups. What a babyyyy.

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **….

-oOoOo-

**Genryusai Shigekuni Yamamoto **Would anyone at all know about the deeply traumatized, crippled girl who was found abandoned in a desert near Hueco Mundo? She's blonde, 5'6", and had breast implant surgery to get an E-cup. Please inform me with any info you might've found.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **likes this.

**Comments:**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi ***looks around* Who could've done it, _I WONDER_?

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **Errr….we don't know ANYTHING. And Yachiru wasn't dragging an unconscious blonde around yesterday, of course. It was just a life-sized Barbie doll…

**Ise Nanao **I have to make a note on my planner: Do not agitate Yachiru. By the way, SWA members, we need an emergency Facebook meeting in an hour to discuss Zangetsu.

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Hey guys, Zangetsu meeting today. Be here at 4. Gotta discuss our album and stuff, you know?

-oOoOo-

**Ise Nanao **This is an emergency! It turns out Byakuya, Hitsugaya, Ichigo, and Renji actually sing really well. And they have fan girls. What do we do…?

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Comments:**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Omg, those idiots actually called me a LOSER. Yes, me. Me with the naturally huge boobs. Not artificially implanted ones that say 'I love Toshiro' on them.

**Rukia Kuchiki **Ummm, I think that was a bit too much information, Matsumoto… And Renji's office is so mobbed, I couldn't get in without…moving…a few people with the help of Sode no Shirayuki.

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **Ehehehe, they were all over Byakushi until I convinced him to go all Senbonzakura on them. And I POLITELY asked Cue-Ball and Peacock Brow to be Byakushi's body guards.

**Ise Nanao **Yeah, and Inoue just messaged me saying that she has the same problems.

**Rukia Kuchiki **Hey, why don't we ask them to disband? That way, our guys will be all ours again…

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Meh, that won't work. Hell, they probably like all the attention they're getting…

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **Hey! Why don't we promise them to stop listening to Rasengan all the time? It's easier and less painful than killing 'em!

**Ise Nanao **That…

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **…is a surprisingly good idea coming from you, Yachiru.

**Ise Nanao **Okayyyyy then. I'll private message Ichigo and give him the terms. And he better agree. Or else the glasses come OFF.

-oOoOo-

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Guys, I'm gonna have to disband Zangetsu. Or at least we can have concerts anymore.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **and **Byakuya Kuchiki **like this.

**Comments:**

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **Awww, why?

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **The girls approached me in the form of Nanao. Basically, we disband or die. Apparently, they didn't like the feeling called jealousy.

**IceDragon Hitsugaya** Heh, finally we can stop with this idiotic band.

**Byakuya Kuchiki **Hitsugaya is right. This was foolish.

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **You're just saying that to make us jealous of the fact that you two had the best singing voices. And the most fans.

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **I know right? They don't deserve it. GIVE ME YOUR VOICES.

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Yeah, but the SWA promises to stop ogling at Rasengan every chance they get, at least. So we're ending Zangetsu for a good cause.

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Double win.

-oOoOo-

**Retsu Unohana **Excuse me, everyone. I'm _extremely_ saddened to announce that Kurotsuchi-taichou is in a deep coma and may die after being trampled down by a horde of tweens at a Justin Bieber concert. Those wanting to express condolences and check up on him may do so in Room 12. Thank you.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Ishida Uryuu **and **103 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Ishida Uryuu **Wow. That is the most pathetic way to die. **-91 people like this-**

**Nemu Kurotsuchi **Poor Mayuri-sama. I hope he doesn't die.

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **LOL. Are you serious? JUSTIN BIEBER? TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. **-85 people like this-**

**Inoue Orihime **Ehhh? I was at that concert and saw a funny looking clown thingy on the ground, but I didn't know it was Kurotsuchi-san. So sad! By the way, Ichigooooo! You're going with me to the next concert right? Of course! Thank you, sweetie! Love you!

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **I'm going to have nightmares of me being run over by an army of Justin Biebers. Thanks a lot, Inoue. **-46 people like this-**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **Clown-san got killed by a bunch of human girls? Hahahaha! That's so epic fail! **-67 people like this-**

**Byakuya Kuchiki **Sorry to hear about my fellow captain's incident. Yachiru, Mayuri is not dead yet. And watch Sachiko for me while I go kill Justin Bie—I mean, a few hollows in Canada.

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **Hell yeah. Do I get his budget money if he dies?

-oOoOo-

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **Congrats to Kira Izuru's haiku! It was published in the Month Seireitei Bulletin. Here it is:

Beautiful peaches,

The suns of my gloomy life.

Covered by dark clouds.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Juushiro Ukitake **and **97 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Inoue Orihime **Oh my! That is very sweet, Kira-kun!

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Awww, why can't you do something like that, Toshiro? Write me a cute haiku right now! **-37 people like this-**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Yes, why don't you do something like that, TOSHIRO? LOL. **-63 people like this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Excuse me while I go kill Kurosaki. And Matsumoto, get off Facebook and get to work.

**Ise Nanao **…Stop writing stupid haikus and shut up. Hinamori's crying all over my office.

**Kira Izuru **Good-bye cruel world…

-oOoOo-

**Soi-Fon CatLuver **Meeting for Cat Lovers at my office today at 1 P.M. Bring your adorable cats and get over here!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Sajin Komamura **likes this.

**Comments:**

**Sajin Komamura **Cat Lovers Club Vice President reporting! I'll be there at 1. One of my kitties is pregnant, by the way! I'm so excited! Oh, and aren't we still the only members?

**Soi-Fon CatLuver **Pffft, of course not! I've threate—that is, convinced, a few rookies passing by my office to join. They'll be here.

**Sajin Komamura **Great! Iba will also come, right Iba?

**Iba Manliness Tetsuzaemon **But cats aren't MANLY…

**Soi-Fon CatLuver **Oh? I didn't hear what you said. What was that again? I hope it wasn't a rejection…

**Iba Manliness Tetsuzaemon **Ahahaha, of course I'll go, ma'am! I'd never reject a request from you, your highness!

**Soi-Fon CatLuver **Good. See you there.

-oOoOo-

**Isane NOFISHCAKESALLOWED Kotetsu **I have two very important things to share as per request of Unohana-taichou. Firstly, Kurotsuchi-taichou is still in a deep coma. He may or may not survive. Also, Izuru-san was seriously injured by a powerful, reiatsu-draining hollow while protecting Hinamori-chan from a fatal blow. Izuru-san will be in Room 3. Please visit him.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Comments:**

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **NO WAY! KIRA? Shit! Shuhei, let's visit him this afternoon, yeah?

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **Hell yeah! I was going to go drinking with Rangiku and a couple others, but this is more important.

**Momo Peaches Hinamori **It's all MY fault! I wasn't watching! I'm so stupid, and now Kira might die, and it's ALL MY FAULT! I'll get back together with him if he doesn't die! I swear!

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Stop blaming yourself, Momo. Accidents happen. I'm sure he'll be fine. **-59 people like this-**

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **Poor, poor Kira. I hope he's okay. And if he's not…well…sake solves EVERYTHING! *smiles*

**Ise Nanao **What he meant to say was: Sake is not good for you. Right?

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **No…I mean, OF COURSE!

**Kira Izuru **Momo, did you mean it when you said you'll get together with me again?

**Momo Peaches Hinamori **Ehhh? Kira! You're safe? **-80 people like this-**

**Kira Izuru **Yep! Good as ever! So, Momo, will you get together with me? Or at least be good friends with me until you're ready for a relationship?

**Momo Peaches Hinamori **I'll be your good friend, Kira. I'm not ready to date again yet, but we can always be friends. For now, at least. **-91 people like this-**

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **Ahhh, happy endings. I love them. God bless the happy couple!

**Ishida Uryuu **…As Shinigami, do you even BELIEVE in God?

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **Huh. Good question. I guess we're atheists? I don't know…

-oOoOo-

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Wow. In all the excitement, I nearly forgot I was pregnant. And nearly 7 months so already! I hope it's a girl…

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Inoue Orihime **and **101 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Rukia Kuchiki **You're so lucky! You already have 2 kids, and now you're about to get another. I want a kid…

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **I can help you with that. *winks* **-77 people like this-**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **When Byakushi read this, he suddenly turned red in the face and stormed out! Hehe, Pineapple should watch out.

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **Why me…

-oOoOo-

**Kiyone ilikeukitake-taichoubest Kotetsu **Nooooo! Ukitake-taichou is going on a week's vacation to some place in the human world! How can I live?

**-Comment- -Like-**

**Juushiro Ukitake **likes this.

**Comments:**

**Juushiro Ukitake **It's very touching to know you care so much, but I must go for a week to Palm Springs, California, to be in good health.

**Sentarou No,ilikeukitake-taichoubest Kotsubaki **WHAT? Why wasn't I informed? Ukitake-, WHY?

**Juushiro Ukitake **Ahahaha, see you in a week. Take good care of the 13th Division.

**Kiyone ilikeukitake-taichoubest Kotetsu **Yes sir!

**Sentarou No,ilikeukitake-taichoubest Kotsubaki **Double 'Yes, sir!'

**Kiyone ilikeukitake-taichoubest Kotetsu **Copycat!

**Sentarou No,ilikeukitake-taichoubest Kotsubaki **Yeah right, Booger Girl! You just happened to say it first! Hmph!

**Juushiro Ukitake **Please…calm down…

-oOoOo-

**Yoruichi GoddessOfFlash **Heyyyyy, **Soi-Fon**! How are ya?

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Soi-Fon CatLuver **likes this.

**Soi-Fon CatLuver **Ah! Lady Yoruichi said hey to me! It must be my lucky day!

**Yoruichi GoddessOfFlash **…Yeah, sure… Anyways, can you do a favor for Kisuke? Please?

**Soi-Fon CatLuver **Hmph. As much as I love Yoruichi-sama, I draw the line at having to do anything with Kisuke URAHARA.

**Yoruichi GoddessOfFlash **Please, Soi-Fon? I'll do ANYTHING you want~

**Soi-Fon CatLuver **Anything…I…want…OF COURSE, LADY YORUICHI. I'll do anything you want!

**Yoruichi GoddessOfFlash **Good. Now since you're like, ninja-y and all, can you go to the place called Konoha and get him a headband? Honestly, ever since he started reading Naruto, all he does is dream of Konoha.

**Soi-Fon CatLuver **Yes, my distant cousin Tenten lives there. She can get one for you. Just add her on Facebook and she'll tell you where to meet up.

**Yoruichi GoddessOfFlash **YES! Thanks so much, Soi-Fon! Love ya!

**Soi-Fon CatLuver **…Yoruichi-sama…loves me…No way…Must go praise the cat gods…

-oOoOo-

**Yoruichi GoddessOfFlash **is now friends with **TenTen**.

-oOoOo-

**Sado 'Chad' Yasutora **I haven't seen you in a long time, Isane. Would you like to go out with me tomorrow? There is a cool movie playing…

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Isane NOFISHCAKESALLOWED Kotetsu **and **58 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Isane NOFISHCAKESALLOWED Kotetsu **Of course, Chad! I'll meet you in Karakura Park at 11 A.M!

**Sado 'Chad' Yasutora **Great. See you there.

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **Ahhhhh, young love. Nothing like me and my Nanao-chan. We're too hot and heavy to do that kind of cute stuff.

**Ise Nanao **We are NOT. NOW SHUT UP. And do your work.

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **Cruel, beautiful, sadistic Nanao-chan.

**Ise Nanao **… Do you want me to take off my glasses?

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **And now, I must do my 1000000 pages of paperwork…

**Ise Nanao **Good.

-oOoOo-

**Isane NOFISHCAKESALLOWED Kotetsu **This is bad! What can I wear on my date with Chad? I have nothing CUTE!

**Kiyone ilikeukitake-taichoubest Kotetsu **Ummm, you can go for the sexy look. You have boobs that are nearly as big as Matsumoto's…so I think you could pull it off.

**Isane NOFISHCAKESALLOWED Kotetsu **SEXY? ME? I—I couldn't possibly do that…

**Retsu Unohana **How about that sexy mini-mini-mini Extra Small, Extra Tight miniskirt I gave you today? Yes, it'll be perfect. Go with it, Isane.

**Isane NOFISHCAKESALLOWED Kotetsu **But…it's so short…and tight…

**Retsu Unohana **Why don't you _go with it, Isane_?

**Isane NOFISHCAKESALLOWED Kotetsu **Yes. Of course. Sorry.

-oOoOo-

**Nemu Kurotsuchi **Oh dear, Mayuri-sama is still unconscious. He will probably die.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **and **94 others **like this.

**Comment:**

**Ishida Uryuu **But didn't he have all those fancy arm extensions and liquefaction things?

**Nemu Kurotsuchi **Yes, but those weren't designed to keep 9-year-old girls from stomping on his back while running to get Justin Bieber's autograph. **-75 people like this-**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurotsuchi **That…is depressingly hilarious… **-100 people like this-**

**Sado 'Chad' Yasutora **I feel sorry for him…

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Chad, I thin kyou're the only one that does. **-82 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **My beautiful love poem to my beautiful Nanao. Which is more beautiful, I wonder? Please enjoy my exquisite work:

Roses are red,

Violets are blue.

Piglets are cute,

And so are you.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Comments:**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **That…was amazingly lame.

**Juushiro Ukitake **I'm sorry, buddy, but that was pretty terrible.

**Ise Nanao **So. You think I look like a piglet?

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **Of course not! You're much too cute. As cute as a bear cub!

**Ise Nanao **So now I'm a vicious animal?

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **No! That is…

**Ise Nanao **…

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **Help me, someone!

-oOoOo-

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Where. Is. Matsumoto?

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **and **67 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Heheh, honey, I'm not drinkin' with my buddies. Or anything. Hehehe.

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **…I swear, I'll go insane one of these days.

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Is that so? Have fun, sweetie. Bring me back a T-shirt, mmk?

**IceDragon Hitsugaya ***sighs*

-oOoOo-

**Yumichika BEAUTIFUL Ayasegawa **Ahhh, my hair today is so BEAUTIFUL! It sparkles like a diamond and glows like a sun. I am so beautiful!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Comments:**

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **You okay, dude? You sure you didn't drink too much last night with Rangiku and the others?

**Yumichika BEAUTIFUL Ayasegawa **Of course not! I'm too beautiful to be drunk! Tee hee! Arent I funny?

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **You damn idiot. Stop prancing around the barracks like a pansy. You're scaring the new recruits away. And I didn't even fight them yet. **-72 people like this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **So it was YOU GUYS that left Matsumoto on my doorstep at 3 in the morning after ringing my doorbell excessively and waking everyone up. You. Will. Die.

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **Me thinks I should go into hiding right about now.

**Yumichika BEAUTIFUL Ayasegawa **Don't hate me 'cause I'm BEAUTIFUL!

-oOoOo-

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **Retsu. Wanna go to that new restaurant tonight?

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Retsu Unohana **and **53 others**like this.

**Comments:**

**Retsu Unohana **Why of course, Zaraki.

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **Good. I'll pick you up at 6.

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **YAY! Ken-chan is going on a date!

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **…Shut up…

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **Heh, never thought you'd end up with her. You sure pick well, captain. Have fun, if you know what I mean. *wink* **-98 people like this-**

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **I'll kill you, Ikkaku. Get your ass in the barracks so I can kick it all the way to the living world.

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **Shit. Now I have TWO captains pissed at me? What did I do?

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **Welcome to my world, Ikkaku. Where at least one captain is mad at you every day. **-33 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Retsu Unohana **I am sorry to announce that Kurotsuchi Mayuri has died early this morning in his sleep. His daughter, Nemu, will make funeral arrangements.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Comments:**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **I feel sorry for Nemu. Thought I don't feel sorry for Mayuri. Sorry, clown face. Rest in pieces. **-95 people like this-**

**Nemu Kurotsuchi **I'm sorry I failed you, Mayuri-sama.

**Ishida Uryuu **Don't be silly, Nemu. You were always loyal to him. But now the question is…Who'll be the next captain?

**Retsu Unohana **The new captain will be decided by the soutaichou. He will inform you.

**Rukia Kuchiki **I'm pretty sure he's the only shinigami ever to be killed by pre-teen girls. Human girls too. How did a guy like that become captain? **-46 people like this-**

**Byakuya Kuchiki **Rukia, he became captain because of his superior intelligence and kido abilities. Do not speak ill of the dead, no matter how much you disliked him.

**Rukia Kuchiki **Sorry, nii-sama.

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **Heh, I look forward to bullying the next captain.

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **He has to give me candy! Or else I'll blow up the lab!

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Rest in peace, Mayuri Kurotsuchi. Though you'll probably end up in hell. But whatever, saying 'rest in peace' was my good deed of the day. **-104 people like this-**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **^LOL.

-oOoOo-

**Genryusai Shigekuni Yamamoto **The new captain has been decided. The name will be announced tomorrow.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **and **67 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Soi-Fon CatLuver **Who is it? Could it be Lady Yoruichi?

**Juushiro Ukitake **Soi-Fon, I'm pretty sure Yoruichi isn't what you'd call scientific…

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **C'mon, Yama. Tell us! I wanna know!

**IceDragon Hitsugaya** Stop bothering the soutaichou. Geez.

**Kira Izuru **Yes, I am sure he'll inform us tomorrow.

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **Damn, I want to know. So I can post it in the Seireitei Bulletin before it prints tomorrow.

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **Who's a nerdy type of guy? The 12th Division captain HAS to be nerdy.

**Byakuya Kuchiki **I regret to inform you, Madarame, that no captain is a NERD. Every captain is chosen for their superior skills. Which you do not possess.

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Ooooh! Burned!

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **Well then, I guess we gotta wait 'til tomorrow.

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Awwwww. I'll kiss someone if they tell me!

**Ise Nanao **Matsumoto…that's just plain stupid. Not to mention that would cause Hitsugaya to freeze and possibly kill more hormonal young men. Now be quiet and go to sleep, so I stop getting notifications. Yamamoto will tell us tomorrow…

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Lol, at the end I got really tired and was all 'Whatever. I'll just end it here.' I was going to try to go for over 4,000 words but only managed to get 3,442. And i wanted to update today, because tomorrow I'll be busy. Sorry if it seems rushed, because it is.

PLEASE REVIEW!

~**Haunted**_Moonlight_~


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **Yes, I know it's 4 times shorter than the last chapter. Yes, I'm sorry.

But school, mixed with weekend homework, extracurricular activities (such as art classes, cello classes, and swim lessons), and social time with my besties, has got me swamped. I only have a little while to write now...

So with much ado, I present to you Chapter 5!

**Disclaimer: **No, I don't own Bleach, Facebook, or any other good things out there. I can only dream.

* * *

><p><strong>Shuhei 69 Hisagi <strong>Hello, everybody! I regret to inform you that readers of the Monthly Seireitei Bulletin has dropped to an all time low! Buy or renew your subscriptions today!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Comments:**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Che, who subscribes to that worthless magazine anyways? Full of gossip and nothing else… **-61 people like this-**

**Juushiro Ukitake **Hmmmm, should I renew?

-oOoOo-

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Wassup, bitches? This is Renji. Since some idiot was stupid enough to leave his Facebook logged in after he borrowed and returned my laptop. Sucker!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **and **106 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **TROLOLOLOLOLOL.

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **Epic. Fail. XD

**Momo Peaches Hinamori **Renji-kun, that isn't very nice…

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Hey Renjiiiiii~ You should have some fun with it (; **-88 people like this-**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Rangiku, sometimes you can be a genius. **-93 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **is interested in **men.**

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **and **123 others **like this.

-oOoOo-

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **has changed his **Employers **from **Soul Society **to **Shosuke's Gay and Tranny Bar**.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **and **97 others **like this.

-oOoOo-

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **has changed his email to .

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Yumichika BEAUTIFUL Ayasegawa **and **101 others **like this.

-oOoOo-

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **is in a **civil union**.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **and **83 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Kuchiki Rukia **Eh? What's that? **-39 people like this-**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **I Googled it. Apparently it's the gay/lesbian version of marriage in the human world. LOL.

-oOoOo-

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **has changed his **Religious Views **from **Belief in the After Life **to **Blasphemy.**

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Iba Manliness Tetsuzaemon **and **95 others **like this.

-oOoOo-

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **WHAT. THE. FUCK. Who did this to my account?

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **and **97 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL owned! **-80 people like this-**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Renji, you mofo. Damn you. GO TO HELL, PINEAPPLE HEAD.

**Inoue Orihime **Ichigo-kun…you're…gay? You don't love me anymore?

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Of course I love you Inoue! It's just Renji playing a dumb joke…

**Genryusai Shigekuni Yamamoto **Tsk! Shameful youngsters! I remember back in the day when blasphemy was a devastating crime…

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **Good for you? **-53 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Soi-Fon Caltluver **Attention, I have a notice from Lady Yoruichi! There will be a Halloween party at her home! Please like this status if you'll attend!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **and **91 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **YAYYY! HALLOWEEN! CANDY TIME! :D Baldy, prepare to be my horsey!

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **Shit….Halloween AGAIN? Damn human traditions…

**Juushiro Ukitake **Who wants candy? -**73 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Soi-Fon Catluver - Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **Zaraki-taichou, how do you get so many people to fight with you? Whenever I propose a fight to my underlings, they run.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **likes this.

**Comments:**

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **Easy. I just make it so they can't run. DUHHHH.

**Soi-Fon CatLuver **….I see….

-oOoOo-

**Soi-Fon Catluver - Juushiro Ukitake **Challenge Accepted.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Comments:**

**Juushiro Ukitake **I'm sorry, but I don't remember ever challenging you…

**Soi-Fon Catluver **Challenge Accepted.

**Juushiro Ukitake **Soi-Fon, I don't think I ever challenged you.

**Soi-Fon Catluver **Challenge Accepted.

**Juushiro Ukitake **Soi-Fon? Hello?

**Soi-Fon Catluver **Challenge Accepted.

**Juushiro Ukitake **…I give up.

**Soi-Fon Catluver **Challenge Accepted.

-oOoOo-

**Soi-Fon Catluver - Retsu Unohana **Challenge Accepted.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Comments:**

**Retsu Unohana **Excuse me, Soi-Fon, but I have not challenged you.

**Soi-Fon Catluver **Challenge Accepted.

**Retsu Unohana **Oh dear, is your head alright? No external injuries, superficial cuts, internal bleeding, or memory loss?

**Soi-Fon Catluver **Challenge Accepted.

**Retsu Unohana **I can give you a check-up if you want.

**Soi-Fon Catluver **Challenge Accepted.

-oOoOo-

**Soi-Fon Catluver - Momo Peaches Hinamori **Challenge Accepted.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Comments:**

**Momo Peaches Hinamori **What? I'm sorry, Soi-Fon-taichou, but I have not challenged you…

**Soi-Fon Catluver **Challenge Accepted.

**Momo Peaches Hinamori **E-Excuse me, but I have NOT challenged you in any way.

**Soi-Fon Catluver **Challenge Accepted.

**Momo Peaches Hinamori **S-Soi-Fon? Are you…alright? Are you hurt? Injured? Is this a fake Soi-Fon? Is it another mind-wiping hollow?

**Soi-Fon Catluver **Challenge Accepted.

-oOoOo-

**Soi-Fon Catluver - Kira Izuru **Challenge Accepted.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Comments:**

**Kira Izuru **Ehhh? If this is about me taking the last bowl of Jell-O at the ceremonial dinner last night, I'm very sorry! I didn't know you also preferred Strawberry Jell-O!

**Soi-Fon Catluver **Challenge Accepted.

**Kira Izuru **Oh…Um…Is there anything wrong? Is my division doing anything wrong? Will I be demoted? Oh dear!

**Soi-Fon Catluver **Challenge Accepted.

**Kira Izuru **I…I'm so incompetent! I should end this worthless existence…

**Soi-Fon Catluver **Challenge Accepted.

-oOoOo-

**Soi-Fon Catluver - Kuchiki Byakuya **Challenge Accepted.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Comments:**

**Kuchiki Byakuya **You most certainly do not wish to challenge me. If necessary, I shall make you regret the day you said those words.

**Soi-Fon Catluver **Challenge Accepted.

**Kuchiki Byakuya **Are you mocking me? Such actions cannot go ignored.

**Soi-Fon Catluver **Challenge Accepted.

**Kuchiki Byakuya **What is wrong with you? You are not deserving of the rank of 'captain.' Begone!

**Soi-Fon Catluver **Challenge Accepted.

**Kuchiki Byakuya **Tsk. Commoners these days…

**Soi-Fon Catluver **Challenge Accepted.

-oOoOo-

**Soi-Fon Catluver - IceDragon Hitsugaya **Challenge Accepted.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Comments:**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **The hell? This better not be some joke about my height, because now I've grown to a perfectly respectable 5'11". And I do NOT look like a young boy. And ignore any rumors. Matsumoto spread those. Really. I do NOT have a train set in my bedroom. Really. I swear.

**Soi-Fon Catluver **Challenge Accepted.

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Ok, ok. You got me. Maybe I do have a train set. Not my fault those human toy stores are so…addicting to shop through. There's this one place called Toys 'R' Us…BUT I DO NOT HAVE POKEMON CARDS. REALLY.

**Soi-Fon Catluver **Challenge Accepted.

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Maybe I do collect a FEW Pokemon cards. But only the collectors editions. I swear to God. Now GO AWAY and let me work in peace, dammit.

**Soi-Fon Catluver **Challenge Accepted.

-oOoOo-

**Soi-Fon Catluver - Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **Weird. My great plan to get others to fight me isn't working…

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Comments:**

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **Heh. Tough luck, noob.

-oOoOo-

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Haha, another healthy baby is introduced to the family! Everyone, say hello to my cute lil' Naruto! He's got my hair and his father's eyes! So cute :D

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Momo Peaches Hinamori **and **123 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Momo Peaches Hinamori **Congrats, Rangiku and Toshiro!

**Inoue Orihime **Awww, you're so lucky! Ichigo, I want another one! **-16 people like this-**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Hell no. That was nine long months of torture, baby. **-69 people like this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Yeah, it is. But it's worth the nine months of PMSing, you know?

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **^LOL. **-12 people like this-**

**Ise Nanao **Give me the baby pictures, Matsumoto!

**Retsu Unohana **Congratulations! **-27 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Genryusai Shigekuni Yamamoto **Hello, youngsters. I bring to you unfortunate news. Our soon-to-be captain was discovered to be a spy for a new wannabe Hueco Mundo organization. So we killed him and now we have to find a new captain, which will be decided by a vote, like humans do in democratic countries. Please vote for your favorite one out of these youngsters:

Ikkaku Madarame

Yumichika Ayasegawa

Rukia Kuchiki

Ise Nanao

Renji Abarai

The winner will be announced in two weeks. Please vote honestly for whom you think is the best choice.

**(A/N: Please actually vote for one of the above by leaving a comment telling me who should be the new 12****th**** Division captain and WHY. If you feel **_**someone else**_** deserves this role, please leave a comment telling me who. ****Remember, the person needs to have a zanpakuto and must at least know shikai, though I prefer him/her also knowing bankai. ****Nemu will not count because there is no mention of her owning a zanpakuto in the canon storyline. Thanks!)**

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **and **95 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Congrats, Nanao and Rukia! And everyone else who's a candidate! Let's go drinking! **-60 people like this-**

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **Hell YES.

**Kuchiki Byakuya **Congratulations Rukia, Renji. Good luck to the both of you. **-37 people like this-**

**Kuchiki Rukia **Thank you, nii-sama.

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **Heh. Thanks, captain!

**Yumichika BEAUTIFUL Ayasegawa **I'm on the list? Wow, I'm honored. This is a BEAUTIFUL occasion!

**Ise Nanao **I wonder who'll win. Probably not me...

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **Nanao, my beautiful lily! You will certainly win! I shall campaign for you, my golden love!

**Ise Nanao **Eww...the sight of an old, hairy man in a kimono handing out flyers is not my idea of campaigning. **-96 people like this-**

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **LOLOLOLOL. Sock it to him, girlfriend! XD **-55 people like this-**

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **Oh! The sharp sting of my butterfly's harsh words is like a dagger in my bashful virgin heart!

**Ise Nanao **You? A virgin? Ha! Nice joke. **-73 people like this-**

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **Ahh! Now I must write some sympathetic poetry to calm myself. Such a fragile relationship we have, my love. 'Tis like Romeo and Juliet, is it not?

**Ise Nanao **As a matter of fact, it is NOT. Now shut up and get to work. And don't cry in a corner. I mean it. **-39 people like this-**

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **So please leave me a review telling me who deserves to be a captain and WHY they deserve to be a captain.

You have 2 weeks to vote, so hurry! Voting ends October 15th, 2011.

Much thanks to all who are reading this. I'm terribly sorry about slow updates. Really.

Please Review!

~**Haunted**_Moonlight_~


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **Hey guys, it's been a while. Sorry about my inactivity, I was too busy to even think of updating, and permanent writer's block didn't help.

Well, now I'm back with the latest installment of BleachBook. I hope to update regularly over the summer, at least, though during the school year, I will NOT be able to update this.

Anyways, I hope you enjoy the latest installation of BleachBook!

**Disclaimer: **Bleach and Facebook both belong to their respective owners. This will never be used for profits.

* * *

><p><strong>Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku <strong>Ahhh! My beautiful Nanao-chan has not gotten in trouble recently, am I right? So why has she been called to the devious soutaichou's office? I must ponder the fate of the universe!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **and **76 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **What do you mean by recently… Nanao NEVER gets in trouble. She's like the prime example of a modern professional businesswoman. And you, Kyouraku, are the prime example of a modern lazy playboy alcoholic couch potato. **-62 people like this-**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Ooohhhhhh, burned. **-16 people like this-**

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **IKR, Rangiku! She's so damn uptight sometimes. She even took away my Naruto manga just 'cuz I was slacking a little on paperwork. Seriously… **-2 people like this-**

**Ise Nanao **…Care to repeat that, Abarai?

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **Oh shit. Please excuse me while I go visit Karakura Town. **-88 people like this- (A/N: This is a reference to a scene in my fanfic ****Spreading Rumors and Watermelon Kisses****… READ IT! LOL)**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Seriously though, Nanao, why the hell did YOU get called to Old Man Yama's office? Heck, only Renji, Ikkaku, and Shuhei ever get called over there. It's like the principal's office for shinigami troublemakers… **-54 people like this-**

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **That's SO not true!

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Go away. **-23 people like this-**

**Ise Nanao **I don't know, Rangiku…As a matter of fact, I'm heading over to the first division's barracks now.

-oOoOo-

**Kisuke Urahara **Urgh. After not seeing old man Yamamoto for nearly a decade, NOW he invites me to his OFFICE? Great.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Inoue Orihime **and **86 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Yoruichi GoddessOfFlash **HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Suckerrrrrrr. **-93 people like this-**

**Inoue Orihime **I'm sure you'll be fine, Urahara-san!

**Kisuke Urahara **Eh. Thanks.

**Inoue Orihime **No problem!

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **I sure hope you ain't hitting on another man's wife, hmmmm? **-50 people like this-**

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **OHHHHHH SNAPPPPPPPPPPPP. **-23 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Genryusai Shigekuni Yamamoto**Greetings once again, youngsters. After much consideration, we have come to a decision—the co-captains (Yes, that's right—There's TWO) of the 12th Division will be…

**Ise Nanao**

and

**Kisuke Urahara**

Yes, Urahara was not listed in the nominees, but after much discussion, I decided that he would be good for that division, since it IS a strange division. And he IS a strange man.

So congrats to Ise Nanao and Urahara!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **and **299 others**like this.

**Comments:**

**Kisuke Urahara **Wait, what? When did I sign up for this? I don't remember getting drunk in the past two weeks… **-96 people like this-**

**Yoruichi GoddessOfFlash **Eh. I guess this means I'm moving back to Seireitei as well! We can leave Urahara Shoten to Ururu, Tessai, and Jinta :D

**Soi-Fon Catluver **That rat-scum is coming back as a captain? But on the other hand, Yoruichi-sama is coming back! Yes!

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto**I spy with my little eyes an obsession… **-81 people like this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Very funny, Matsumoto. But congrats, Nanao and Urahara. I look forward to working with you. **-14 people like this-**

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **Wait….does this mean…my love is LEAVING me?

**Ise Nanao **Does this mean you have to do your own paperwork? Sure does. Tough luck. **-45 people like this-**

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **Ouch. That got me where it hurts, my sadistic lover!

**Ise Nanao **You see what I dealt with EVERY DAY? **-12 people like this-**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **You got my respect. -**77 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **LULZ, I'm totally slacking off on my paperwork. Don't tell my captain, but every day, I sneak a little of my paperwork into his pile.,.,.,.,. You should see the look on Byakuya's

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Kuchiki Rukia **and **101 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Kuchiki Rukia **Nii-san, I believe the Mystery of the Reappearing Paperwork is solved! **-46 people like this-**

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **Renji, that idiot. He just typed this shit and fell on the keyboard dead drunk.

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Karma is one helluva bitch. **-60 people like this-**

**Kuchiki Byakuya **I believe I will have to talk to Renji. With some help from Senbonzakura. **-75 people like this-**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **Yay Byakushi! Go get Pineapple Head!

-oOoOo-

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **is in Karakura Town once again, avoiding quite a few angry captains.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **and **102 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Kuchiki Byakuya **Stay right there. **-55 people like this-**

**Ise Nanao **Kuchiki-Taichou, I don't suppose you'll let me at him first? **-73 people like this-**

**Kuchiki Byakuya **Ladies first. **-23 people like this-**

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **I hear Paris is lovely this time of year… **-100 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Ise Nanao **changed her name to **Taichou Nanao.**

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **and **96 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **Why must you wipe away the last bittersweet remains of our precious, loving time together?

**Taichou Nanao **I don't recall a 'precious, loving time together.' I do recall being your fukutaichou and doing all the paperwork, though. **-54 people like this-**

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **Why must you always brood about the paperwork…. **-3 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Inoue Orihime **changed her name to **Inoue JUSTINBIEBER Orihime.**

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Kuchiki Rukia **and **87 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Kuchiki Rukia **Ohmigod. **–Inoue JUSTINBIEBER Orihime likes this-**

**Inoue JUSTINBIEBER Orihime **I know right. **–Kuchiki Rukia likes this-**

-oOoOo-

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **That moment when your boss asks you why your wife's Facebook name is Inoue JUSTINBIEBER Orihime.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **and **102 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **OHHHHHHHHHHHH SNAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP. **-27 people like this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **These are the days when I truly appreciate Matsumoto. **–Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto likes this-**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Awwwww, thanks sweetie. **-48 people like this-**

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **That awkward moment when you don't realize you got dissed by your own husband. **-99 people like this-**

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **LULZZZZZZZZZZZ.

-oOoOo-

**Kuchiki Rukia **Don't make me snap my fingers in a Z formation!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **and **72 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **Hip Rotation! Hehe! **-33 people like this-**

**Yumichika BEAUTIFUL Ayasegawa **BOOTY SENSATION!

**Yumichika BEAUTIFUL Ayasegawa **Hey, why didn't I get any likes?

**Yumichika BEAUTIFUL Ayasegawa **Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful, don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful!

**Yumichika BEAUTIFUL Ayasegawa **;D

**Kuchiki Rukia **Well this is awkward.** -49 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Taichou Nanao **Am I allowed to file a complaint for stalking? A suspiciously familiar man in a kimono has been lurking around my new offices for quite a while now, hmmm…

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Kisuke Urahara **and **91 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **Ohhhh I wonder who it could be… **-19 people like this-**

**Kisuke Urahara **I've noticed that too, Nanao. And so I set up a trap of super-strong Hollow Spider Webs around our office. That should do the job!

-oOoOo-

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **I'm stuck in a super-strong Hollow Spider Web! HELPPPPPPPPPP.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Taichou Nanao **and **98 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Taichou Nanao **I thought so. **-44 people like this-**

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **Ooooh, this could be a golden moment for the Monthly Seireitei Bulletin. Hey Shunsui, stay in that position while I grab my cameras! **-61 people like this-**

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **Oh the irony.

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Since when did Madarame understand words like 'irony?' **-39 people like this-**

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **Just because you're a shrimp doesn't mean you're a bitch. OOOHHHHH.

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **You. Are. Dead. **–Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto likes this-**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Go get 'im, sweetie! (;

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **I think I'll go join Renji in Paris. I hear it's lovely this time of year…. **-97 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **is with **Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **in **Paris.**

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Kuchiki Rukia **and **86 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Kuchiki Rukia **Be careful, my very angry onii-san is coming after you guys with a very candy-deprived Yachiru, along with a very pissed-off Hitsugaya and a very calm Nanao.**-40 people like this-**

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **The last time Yachiru was candy-deprived, she took out 348 of our new recruits. In one blow.

**Momo Peaches Hinamori **Umm…the last time Nanao was very calm, she ended up taking off her glasses and punching Shunsui-taichou, which resulted in the destruction of the 8th Division building.

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **What the fuck, man. You know what; I hear Brazil is lovely this time of year. **-89 people like this-**

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **Agreed.

-oOoOo-

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **Today was fun! I ran across the Atlantic Ocean to get to the Amazoo Forest or whatever in Brazil and caught Baldy and Pineapple-Head like Byakushi told me to. But then I smacked them like a piñata and candy DIDN'T come out! I got mad for a bit and destroyed a few things, but then Byakushi came and gave me a biggggg bag of candies. YAY! I love Byakushi.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Taichou Nanao **and **82 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Juushiro Ukitake **In other unrelated news, 46% of the Amazon forest was torn into pieces. Eyewitnesses say they saw an alien-like, super-fast pink blob that was screaming unintelligible alien words that sounded suspiciously like 'CANDY.' **-94 people like this-**

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **Damn, good job, Yachiru.

**Retsu Unohana **Oh dear, was it you guys who left a barely-breathing Madarame and Abarai on my front steps? **-58 people like this-**

**Kuchiki Byakuya **No comment.

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **This would make a great article!

-oOoOo-

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **Buy the latest edition of the Monthly Seireitei Bulletin, ya'll! Read all about the mysterious pink monster that ravaged the human world! See with your own eyes the maleficent arachnid that entrapped a taichou in its lethal ambush. ONLY 5 KAN!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Momo Peaches Hinamori **and **35 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Kuchiki Byakuya **I'm going to sue for libel against my wife. **-69 people like this-**

**Kira Izuru **Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Don't sue me for taking the last Jell-O!

**Kira Izuru **I know it was the last, but it was Jell-O!

**Kira Izuru **STRAWBERRY Jell-O! Who could resist that? Like seriously.

**Kira Izuru **I will glady commit seppuku for my dastardly sins.

**Kira Izuru **I regret the day I filched the last Jell-O from under Kuchiki-taichou's and Soi-Fon-taichou's noses.

**Kira Izuru **Good bye, Cruel World!

**Kuchiki Byakuya **….What's _his_ deal? **-91 people like this-**

**Momo Peaches Hinamori **He's been like this ever since the 'Challenge Accepted' incident with Soi-Fon-taichou…

**Soi-Fon Catluver **Idiot. **-74 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **Finally, I am well enough to type. Feel free to leave your plentiful presents in my hospital room—room #11.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **and **39 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Kuchiki Byakuya **Hm. Already well enough to type? What a pity. **-68 people like this-**

**Kuchiki Rukia **Nii-san, I think you went a bit too far.

**Kuchiki Byakuya **Did not.

**Kuchiki Rukia **Did too.

**Kuchiki Byakuya **Did not.

**Kuchiki Rukia **Did too.

**Kuchiki Byakuya **Did not.

**Kuchiki Rukia **Did too.

**Kuchiki Byakuya **Did not.

**Kuchiki Rukia **Did too.

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **So, guys, I know I told you to leave presents for me.

**Kuchiki Byakuya **Did not.

**Kuchiki Rukia **Did too.

**Kuchiki Byakuya **Did not.

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **SILENCE. This is MY status. MINE. Which mean you guys have to leave me presents. Since I don't have any…

**Kuchiki Rukia **Did too.

**Kuchiki Byakuya **Did not.

**Kuchiki Rukia **Did too.

**Kuchiki Byakuya **Did not.

**Kuchiki Rukia **Did too.

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **Oh, the laments of us unpopular people.

**Kuchiki Byakuya **Don't group me together with the likes of you. **-36 people like this-**

**Kuchiki Rukia **Ooohhhhh, you got burned by my uptight, super-serious brother! **-55 people like this-**

**Kuchiki Byakuya **I'm not sure I appreciated that comment, Rukia.

**Kuchiki Rukia **Err, sorry, onii-san.

-oOoOo-

**Ishida Uryuu **SHINIGAMI, WE NEED YOUR HELP. Inoue is missing, and Ichigo is going full out nuts. Please help us find her.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Sado 'Chad' Yasutora **and **113 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Sado 'Chad' Yasutora **Yeah, Ichigo's half-dead and pretty much traumatized, which is understandable, since Inoue was snatched from right under his nose.

**Kuchiki Rukia **I don't know if this helps—but a few days ago I was in Karakura Town, and I sensed a strange presence around Inoue and Ichigo's house.

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Hmm, I did too. In fact, I even saw this creepy man who looked like Aizen, except his hair was obviously bleached, he had a realllllllllly bad overbite, and he was fat.

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **I think we have on our hands, a case of a Wannabe Aizen. **-28 people like this-**

**Kuchiki Byakuya **I don't take kindly to fools who throw away their pride and masquerade around as a calculating villain. **-17 people like this-**

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **Agreed, Kuchiki. Let's go bust this loser up. **-9 people like this-**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **DOES THIS MEAN I GET CANDY? :D

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Oh noes, where's Inoue!

Haha. BTW, I know I switched the order of Byakuya's and Rukia's names. It's so confusing to remember all the names, so please cut me some slack.

I promise I'll upload the next chapter when I'm done with it, but I'm running out of ideas for what should happen next.

_**ATTENTION: Please leave a review with your idea about who happened to Inoue. If I use your idea, I will give credit to you in my A/N.**_

_**REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!**_

_****_Thanks for reading!

~**Haunted**_Moonlight_~


	7. Chapter 7

BleachBook Chapter 7

**A/N: **Thanks to **YuYuInuWolf** for certain ideas about Aizen! You all should thank her, as her ideas pretty much inspired me to write this chapter. So thank you, **YuYuInuWolf, **and EVERYBODY who reviewed. I eagerly read each and every one. You guys are my inspiration!

_ENJOY!_

**Disclaimer: **Bleach and Facebook do NOT belong to me!

* * *

><p><strong>IceDragon Hitsugaya <strong>Matsumoto, where are you?

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Taichou Nanao **and **48 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **luuuullllll whaaaadaya want taichsfsfhnghergbvjhxcvjkou

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **I think she was trying to say 'taichou.' **-12 people like this-**

**Yumichika BEAUTIFUL Ayasegawa **Pointing out the obvious is so ugly!

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **…Remember, we're supposed to meet up to search for Inoue? Kuchiki-taichou, Kusajishi-fukutaichou, Zaraki-taichou, Kurosaki, Uryuu, Yasutora, and others are already here. **-67 people like this-**

**Kuchiki Byakuya **Having to wait is a waste of my time and a blow to my pride.

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **Shaddap, pretty boy, before I smash that pride you love so much. Noob.

**Kuchiki Byakuya **I believe you just insulted me. Commoners have no right to slander the Kuchiki name.

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **Ya don't say? And who ya calling a commoner, pansyass?

**Kuchiki Byakuya **It appears you are suicidal.

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **Damn right I am!

**Kuchiki Byakuya **Do you wish to take this outside?

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **Ya bet I do!

**Kuchiki Byakuya **Karakura Town park. Five minutes.

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **Fuck yes.

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **Ken-chan and Byakushi fight! YAY!

-oOoOo-

**Kuchiki Rukia **Anyone with information about Inoue's whereabouts will be greatly rewarded! If you do have info, call or text my Soul Pager!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **and **93 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Taichou Nanao **You still haven't found her?

**Kuchiki Rukia **Seven hours of searching through Karakura Town, checking for portals, and interrogating Hollows, all for nothing. **-44 people like this-**

**Taichou Nanao **Well, if you want, Urahara and I can sweep Seireitei using equipment left behind from Kurotsuchi-taichou. Who knows, she might've gotten lost here… **-62 people like this-**

**Kuchiki Rukia **Thanks, Nanao!

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **My lovely Nanao-chan is on…first name basis with the dastardly Urahara! !

**Taichou Nanao **Here we go again…

-oOoOo-

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku - Kisuke Urahara **SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU BEEN SO CLOSE TO NANAO-CHAN? KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF HER, DEVIL!111!11111!1!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **and **2 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Kisuke Urahara** If I may, Kyouraku-taichou, you sound like a fangirl. **-23 people like this-**

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **HANDS OFF NANAO, PRETTY BOY.

**Taichou Nanao **Urahara, I sincerely apologize for my fool of an ex-taichou. **-18 people like this-**

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **EX? NANAO HAS THROWN ME AWAY! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

**Kisuke Urahara **It's fine, it's fine.

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **HEY YO EVERYONEEE LETS GO GETZ DRUNKKKKKKK ALRIGHTTTTTT?

-oOoOo-

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **SERIOUSLY, where is Matsumoto?

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Momo Peaches Hinamori **and **94 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Momo Peaches Hinamori **Um…Earlier, Rangiku-san tried to get me to go drinking with her in the Shopping District, but I refused…so she might be there… **-34 people like this-**

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **As I was eating to relieve some of my pain at Ichiraku Ramen, the ramen shop in the Shopping district, Matsumoto ran past me with two bottles of sake in each hand! I would've joined her, but that miso ramen is good… **-31 people like this-**

**Kira Izuru **I was on my way to the supermarket at the eastern end of the Shopping District and s-she almost ran me down. **-24 people like this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **I checked each of those places! Where. Can. She. Be?

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **I hope she didn't steal one of the Senkaimon Portals again. Old man Yama's gonna be mad. **-49 people like this-**

**Juushiro Ukitake **I don't suppose she decided to use one of the Portals to get to Antarctica and play with the penguins again? **-17 people like this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **NOT AGAIN...

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **I suppose this isn't a good time to mention seeing a half-naked Matsumoto dance on the tabletops at our usual bar. **-77 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **added 15 photos to the album **DRUNK DANCING! NAUGHTYNAUGHTY~ ;D**

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **and **20 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **Hot damn! **-45 people like this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **So, Madarame, you just got out of the hospital, eh?

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **Yes…

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Would you like to go back?

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **…No, sir…

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **I thought so.

-oOoOo-

**I AM AIZEN **BE SCARED, SHINIGAMI, FOR I AM COMING TO TAKE MY RIGHTFUL PLACE AS KING! I HAVE INOUE ORIHIME, AND WILL NOT BE AFRAID TO EXERT DEADLY FORCE. BEWRAE!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Comments:**

**Ishida Uryuu **Sorry to burst your bubble, but you misspelled 'BEWARE.' **-69 people like this-**

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **Yeah…so, about that…who are you again? **-51 people like this-**

**I AM AIZEN **I AM AIZEN

**Retsu Unohana **Oh dear, could this be another case of amnesia? We've sure had a lot of those lately… **-64 people like this-**

**I AM AIZEN **NO, I AM AIZEN!

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Where's Inoue?

**I AM AIZEN **HAHAHAHAHA SHE IS IN A COMA, AT THE MERCY OF MY DEVASTATING BLADE!

**Inoue JUSTINBIEBER Orihime **Aizen-chan's really nice, you know? He even lent me a laptop and gave me some ice cream!

**Kuchiki Rukia **Something tells me we don't have much to worry about, guys. **-72 people like this-**

**I AM AIZEN **NO, SHUT UP! I AM AIZEN! THE GREAT AND POWERFUL!

**Momo Peaches Hinamori **A-Aizen-taichou? Is it really you? I've missed you!

**Momo Peaches Hinamori **AIZEN-TAICHOU! I STILL BELIEVE IN YOU!

**Momo Peaches Hinamori **Please speak to me, taichou!

**Momo Peaches Hinamori **Taichou!

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **MATSUMOTOOOOO I TOLD YOU TO KEEP HINAMORI OFF THE COMPUTER! DAMN IT, WOMAN! **-29 people like this-**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Oopsie, sorry… I blame Shunsui, he offered me the sake.

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **Rangiku! You said you wouldn't tattle on me!

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **I'll freeze both of you!

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Your own wife? So YOU'RE going to change the kids' diapers? Tend to them at 4 in the morning? Clean their poop? **-13 people like this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **...

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Of course not, sweetie…drink all the sake you want…

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **I feel you, bro… **-4 people like this-**

**I AM AIZEN **SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME! IF YOU WANT INOUE BACK…

**Kisuke Urahara **Ah, may I take this time to interrupt? Sorry, but Nanao and I have managed to track down this guy's IP Address. Apparently, he lives at 123 ForeverAlone Street, Karakura Town. **-94 people like this-**

**I AM AIZEN **GODDAMMIT.

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Thanks guys. I'm on my way.

-oOoOo-

**Inoue JUSTINBIEBER Orihime **Ahhhh, that was a fun vacation!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **and **52 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **That was almost too easy, to be honest. Seriously, what was an obese otaku doing pretending to be Aizen? Pathetic. **-78 people like this-**

**Ishida Uryuu **Inoue…you had no idea of your situation, huh? **-19 people like this-**

**Kuchiki Rukia **How did he even manage to kidnap you, anyways?

**Inoue JUSTINBIEBER Orihime **I was shopping and then he popped up and offered me lollipops! :D

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Inoue…please don't tell me you walked off with a shady fat guy who claimed to be Aizen because he presented you with candy. PLEASE. -**55 people like this-**

**Inoue JUSTINBIEBER Orihime **Sure did! He had a pretty white van too! He called it the Candy Van!

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Inoue, Inoue, Inoue…what am I going to do with you… **-9 people like this-**

**Inoue JUSTINBIEBER Orihime **Ichigo-kun, did I do something wrong?

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **My God, she's worse than Matsumoto! **-21 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Kuchiki Byakuya **I LOVE YACHIRU SOOOO MUCH HAHAHAHOHOHOHO YAYYYYYYYY.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **and **49 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **…C-Captain…?... **-88 people like this-**

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **I'm literally shivering right now. **-63 people like this-**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Oh God, oh God, oh God… **-59 people like this-**

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **Yo, I think he's finally snapped. Bout time. **-3 people like this-**

**Kuchiki Rukia **Nii-sama…? **-46 people like this-**

**Retsu Unohana **...Retrograde amnesia...? **-5 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Kuchiki Byakuya **changed his job to **YACHIRU'S SLAVE.**

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Yumchika BEAUTIFUL Ayasegawa **and **37 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Yumichika BEAUTIFUL Ayasegawa **Oohhh, so Kuchiki-taichou is into S&M… I see, I see…

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **THE MENTAL IMAGES! SOMEONE POUR BLEACH INTO MY BRAIN! **-92 people like this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Something smells fishy… **-33 people like this-**

**Kira Izuru **I'm sorry for eating fish sticks! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

**Kira Izuru **Please don't banish me from Seireitei!

**Kira Izuru **PLEASE.

**Kira Izuru **I am unfit to be a fukutaichou...

**Retsu Unohana **What did you say? You forgot about being a fukutaichou? It must be amnesia!

**Kira Izuru **I'm sorry! I'm sorry for having amnesia! I'm sorry!

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **What just happened. **-85 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Kuchiki Byakuya **Yachiru, have you been on my account again?

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **likes this.

**Comments:**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **Oh hai there Byakushi!

**Kuchiki Byakuya **…

-oOoOo-

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **Hey, did you know that if you type out your Facebook password, it comes up in asterisks? ******, see?

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Kira Izuru **and **98 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya ******* **Wow, it really works…

**Kuchiki Rukia **Haha, oh yeah. *********

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **Yep, yep, it sure works! *****

**Juushiro Ukitake *********************

**Juushiro Ukitake **Oh my!

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **********. Cool! Maybe this can be featured in next month's issue of the Monthly Seireitei Bulletin!

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **Seriously, dude? Lemme see!

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame** i-wish-i-had-hair. **-104 people like this-**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki ** **-43 people like this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Fool. **-39 people like this-**

**Kuchiki Byakuya **Pathetic. You have no pride. **-32 people like this-**

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **! I WILL KILL YOU!

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **Happy April Fools! **-77 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Isane Kotetsu **Unohana-taichou, there have been reports of a loud explosion near the sixth division barracks.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Comments:**

**Retsu Unohana **Oh my. Could it be amnesia?

**Isane Kotetsu **...With all due respect, taichou...what's with you and amnesia?

**Retsu Unohana **Amnesia is very dangerous, you know? We shall proceed immediately to the sixth division barracks.

**Isane Kotetsu **Yes!

**Retsu Unohana **And bring the Amnesia Kits, Isane.

**Isane Kotetsu **...Yes, taichou...

-oOoOo-

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **Seriously, it's our second time in the hospital in three weeks. Shit.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **and **38 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **Goddammit, I blame you.

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **Whaddaya mean? You're the one who came to MY barracks and attacked me just because of a stupid April Fools Day prank!

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **Thanks to you, Yumichika and Kenpachi-taichou LAUGHED at me! They even offered me hair products, for fuck's sake!

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **Take a joke!

**Kuchiki Byakuya **Prideless bickering aside, who will it be to pay for the damage costs to my barracks, hmm? **-36 people like this-**

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **Renji's paying!

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **WHAT? Ikkaku's paying!

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **It's YOUR barracks!

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **You did most of the damage, chasing me around the barracks and swinging your zanpakuto abouve your head!

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **Your fault for running! You should've taken your beating! Like a MAN!

**Iba Tetsuzaemon **DID SOMEONE SAY 'MAN?' BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I AM!

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **SHUT UP!

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **GO AWAY!

**Iba Tetsuzaemon **My manly heart is shattered…

-oOoOo-

**Kuchiki Rukia **INOUE! GUESS WHAT?

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Inoue JUSTINBIEBER Orihime **likes this.

**Comments:**

**Inoue JUSTINBIEBER Orihime **WHAT?

**Kuchiki Rukia **ONE DIRECTION TICKETS!

**Inoue JUSTINBIEBER Orihime **NO WAY!

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Hey, hey, haven't you guys learned your lesson after Mayuri was killed at one of those concerts?

**Inoue JUSTINBIEBER Orihime **Silly, that was a Justin Bieber concert! This is One Direction!

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **You're telling me there's a difference?

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **Give it up, Ichigo. It's hopeless. Just let them listen to their music…It's way better than having them give you a two hour lecture about Justin Direction or One Bieber…

**Kuchiki Rukia **That wasn't a lecture! And it's JUSTIN BIEBER and ONE DIRECTION! God, you're so hopeless!

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **…See?

**Inoue JUSTINBIEBER Orihime **Anyways, Rukia, isn't the concert tonight? Oh my God, we should get going!

**Kuchiki Rukia **Yay! See you, Renji. When I get back, we're going to have a loooong talk about One Direction and Justin!

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **Oh joy. I'm just counting down the seconds.

-oOoOo-

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **Approximately 2 hours, 37 minutes, and 58 seconds until the Bieber Direction or whatever concert ends. I must enjoy the rest of my brief freedom!

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **and **25 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **And I thought I had it bad with Inoue…you've just given me a whole new perception on life. **-11 people like this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Wait, I thought it was Direction Justin?

**Kuchiki Byakuya **I believe it was Bieber One Justin Direction, Hitsugaya-taichou.

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Isn't it two acts? Justin One and Direction Bieber?

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **So ya fools saying it ain't Justin One Bieber?

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **…You guys really are hopeless… **-8 people like this-**

-oOoOo-

**Inoue JUSTINBIEBER Orihime **changed her name to **Inoue 1D Orihime.**

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Taichou Nanao **and **12 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Kuchiki Rukia **THEY WERE SOOOOO AWESOME!

**Inoue 1D Orihime **I KNOW RIGHT? 'THAT'S WHAT MAKES YOU BEAUTIFUL!' AHHHH ZAYN IS SO HOT. HE'S AMAZAYN!

**Kuchiki Rukia **No way! Niall is the cutest, but Liam is also hot!

**Inoue 1D Orihime **AHHHHHHHH THEY'RE SOOOOOOO CUTEEEEE!

-oOoOo-

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **I thought we were through with the whole boy-bands and pop star stage…

**-Like- -Comment-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **and **56 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **This would be a good time to tell Matsumoto to take those Bieber Justin pictures off our walls. You're starting to influence the kids. **-39 people like this-**

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **But I like them!

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Take them off or I'll take them off.

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Oh yeah? Then I'll take your Disney on Ice posters down!

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **You wouldn't!

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Oh yes I would! Starting with your First Edition Mickey Mouse on Ice poster! Your move.

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **Those posters are precious, Matsumoto. Family heirlooms.

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **So are those Justin Bieber pictures.

**Renji Awesomecakes Abarai **So does the boy captain have an obsession with Disney? **-65 people like this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **NO I DO NOT.

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Yes he does—his favorite's Mickey. Then it's Pluto and Minnie. **-59 people like this-**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **

-oOoOo-

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **added 20 photos to the album **TOSHIRO'S CUTE SLEEPING PICTURES! :D**

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **and **91 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **MATSUMOTO. WHAT IS THIS?

**Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto **Revenge for spilling milk on my Justin pictures. **–Kuchiki Rukia likes this-**

**Shuhei 69 Hisagi **Guess who's sleeping face is going to be on the cover of the Monthly Seireitei Bulletin? **-47 people like this-**

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **Say, I wasn't interested in that Monthly crap before, but I think I'd like to get this month's copy, yeah? **-30 people like this-**

**Kuchiki Rukia **Oooh, good idea, Rangiku! I should do that to Renji—though I think it would be more effective if you drew on his face with Sharpie and THEN took photos. **-3 people like this-**

**Juushiro Ukitake **Oh how cute! Toshiro looks just like a younger me! WOULD YOU LIKE A LOLLIPOP?

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **NO. **–Juushiro Ukitake likes this-**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY! LOLLI-LOLLI-POP! POP! POP! **–Juushiro Ukitake likes this-**

**Juushiro Ukitake **Hahaha, okay, I'll give both of you a few lollipops. Just a few, alright?

-oOoOo-

**IceDragon Histugaya **Help.

**-Like- -Comment-**

**Juushiro Ukitake **and **26 others **like this.

**Comments:**

**Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku **What's wrong, Shiro-chan?

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **My name is Hitsugaya-taichou.

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **And I'm buried under a mountain of lollipops. **-44 people like this-**

**Juushiro Ukitake **My, my. And how did that happen, Toshiro?

**IceDragon Histugaya **You should know. **–Juushiro Ukitake likes this-**

**Juushiro Ukitake **But I only gave you a few…

**IceDragon Hitsugaya **A dozen 50-pound lollipops are not 'A FEW.'

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **50 pounds…EACH? Well, shit. Not even Yachiru can eat that many. **-52 people like this-**

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **But I just ate fifty of them :D

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **Hey, Kenpachi and Byakuya, you ever think of taking Yachiru to the dentist?

**Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi **Doesn't need it. Once she bit through this motherfuckin' piece of steel shaped like a lollipop and didn't even notice it wasn't a lollipop 'til I pointed it out. **-58 people like this-**

**Kuchiki Byakuya **I attempted to, but she nearly bit my orthodontist's hand off. **-66 people like this-**

**Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki **…Remind me to avoid the business end of Yachiru's mouth. **-70 people like this-**

**Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame **I learned that the hard way…and have the teeth-shaped scars to prove it…

**Yachiru Candy Kusajishi **CANDY!

**A/N: **Yeah, I completely forgot what Tetsuzaemon's Facebook name was, and I'm too lazy to go back and check.

Remembering the FB names of, like, more than 20 Bleach characters can be hard—especially since most of them have these stupid 'nicknames' or 'middle names' or whatever that I thought were clever but have gotten extremely annoying to type…

Anyways, there's no cliffhanger this time—though Yachiru gets the last word, because she's just that awesome. The main problem I have with this FanFic is that I'm out of clever ideas, and I'd rather not update than update a bad chapter.

However, I don't think I'm going to end it this way. There will PROBABLY be another chapter. Eventually.

**Reviews do convince me to write more. I probably wouldn't even have written this chapter if it wasn't for a few reviews that I thought were funny. If you have an idea—and idea that you think would be good for another chapter—PLEASE tell me, because I'm totally out of creative, humorous plots. **

**So please review if you want another chapter… **

_Thanks for reading!_

~**Haunted**_Moonlight_~


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